Just met with mediator. Lifes unfair

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Just met with mediator. Lifes unfair
9
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 4:48pm
I just met with a divorce mediator about divorcing my husband of 20 years.
The end result is that based upon my 18 grand a year income and his income, my child support would be 1150 a month and possibly 200 a month alimony. How can I support a 16 and 13 year old on that?!! Then, he tells me that due to joint custody I have to live within 100 miles of him. BUT, he has threatened to quit his job and work at Walmart to avoid paying child support and he is allowed to do that if it happens before I file. But if I want to move to Florida to take a job opportunity I had with Marriott hotels, he has to ok it for me to take the kids there. How screwed is that, that if I want to better my kids lives I need permission but he can just go on about his merry old way and work for pennies to screw me without getting permission?!!
Unfortunately the job situation in Michigan is horrible and I have no college degree to get a good job so the possibility of me making 50 grand a year is zero.
How do you guys survive on your child support? Any tips on how to do this cuz I don't want to stay with him. I feel everyday like I am having the life sucked out of me.
Thanks
Vailgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 4:58pm

I don't survive on my child support. My ex pays $250 a month total for two kids, and no alimony. I'm going back to school and burying myself in loans in hopes that one day things will be better.

Don't stay with him because of what you feel is a lack of financial support. Like the rest of us, you'll find a way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 6:06pm

Hi Vail,


I, too, live in Michigan. What I do know is Michigan will put your husband in jail if he fails to pay child support. I've also known judges to warn spouses not to quit or downgrade their jobs in order to escape child support. Your STBX is angry and wants to "get back" at you for the divorce, hence his threats.


Here's my suggestion for looking and planning ahead where you currently live and work.


First, check out any employment opporturnities with Marriott.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:05pm

Child support is a joke - I'm in SC and for 2 kids, 6 and 3 he pays $521. The only thing that's saved me is I put a clause in my papers that says in addition he needs to pay 1/2 of education/day care and extra curricular activities i.e. soccer etc. That is truly the only reason I'm surviving at this point. SC uses a calculator - based on my salary, his and who pays medical - which yes is me too.

You will find a way - we always do. Put everything that is said such as walmart comment in Writing -keep a journal of times, places and comments....the more backup the better - you can always go back for child support. He'll get his - just remember you and your kids are the most important! Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 5:20am
Hi Cl,
Can i ask where in Michigan you are?
We are in Farmington Hills.
Also, I don't work for Marriott. I had a job opportunity there in Florida with them this past April cuz I had went down to look for a job and got hired.
I then tried to get in with Marriott here and they weren't hiring.
Right now I make 8$ an hour at a bakery and unfortunately don't have many skills.
I can't get loans either cuz we filed bankruptcy this past year and that got discharged in August.
I used to have my own company and I would wholesale my cookies to local grocery stores. But it ended up bankrupting us. Cooking/baking is about my only skill but I am not professoinally trained and most good restaurants want a culinary degree. Thats a 2 year program and I want out now!!! I am just suffocating in this relationship and I need to get out while I still havea pulse.
Thanks for the support.
Vailgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 6:59am

Hi Vail,


I live in west Michigan. And, yes, you do have skills, transferable skills, that will take you to a better job. You just have to discover them. It takes a little work and you're in a good area with a lot of potential for jobs right now.


I strongly encourage you to get a book called What Color is Your Parachute by Richard Bolles. It's thick but don't let that scare you. Turn to the chapter called The Flower Exercise and do it. It will help you uncover your transferable skills, i.e. skills you can take to any job no matter what you do. Since you owned your own business you have a lot of skills employers can use and want in people. Again, you just have to discover those and package them so you can show an employer what you can do.


And, I'm not suggesting you delay your divorce in order to get a better job. You'll want to improve your income situation regardless and I'm suggesting you look around for a better opportunity as soon as you are able so you can take of yourself and your kids.


Again, keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 10:57am

Vailgal:

I have not met a woman or man yet that can survive on child support alone. Plus, in my situation and many other's--just because a Court Order says you have to pay, does not mean you ever get it. My first husband owes me over $25,000 in back support. He did just what your sbtx is threatening, yet one step worse--he quit his nice job and now gets paid under the table. The state has a warrant out for his arrest, but it does me no good, because they won't go out of my county to pick him up. In Indiana, the system works for dead beats like him.
I guess what I'm saying is--you need to find a way to support you and your children on your own. Then whatever amount in support you get, that's great to add to your family income to help with the kids. To my knowledge, he can do whatever he wants with his job, such as lowering his income, but the Courts will take what he is able to make, and if he has a proven history of making more, they will use that income first.

Good luck!
Darcy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 11:30am
I don't get any childsupport. My ex and I agreed on 50/50 joint custody and splitting the medical bills and buying clothes for the kids. It's taken two years for him to help pay medical bills (I pay the insurance and dental insurance) and it's like pulling teeth for him to even stop and pick up an inhaler for our son. I find it nice not having to deal with him. I have friends that get childsupport and are constantly chasing for the money. I have enough issues with my ex that make me thankful that I am not chasing him for that. Basics are hard enough to get out of him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 11:33pm
HI VAILGAL. WHERE ABOUTS IN MI? I AM SOUTH OF DETROIT. If you need a friend to talk to let me know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 6:49am
Get used to the fact that your lifestyle is going to take a big plunge. We all have had to make adjustments in income. I doubt he's going to quit his job and go to Walmart. They all say that. He has to pay child support working there too. The judge won't look kindly on him switching jobs. Of course you have to stay within 100 miles. They will need to see their dad. Your child support isn't going to last but a few years and 200 a month alimony won't cut it. Go back to school and get that degree so you can support yourself.