Just need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
Just need to vent
2
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 1:53pm

Hi everyone. I've been lurking around here for a while and right now I just really need a place to vent. Here's a little background on me. I'm 28 years old and I've been with my stbx for 6 years and married 3 of those years. This past November, he decided that he needed a "break" from our marriage. He moved out and was living in a hotel room for a few weeks. I was totally crushed when he did this. I didn't see anything coming. We ended up getting back together and I thought things were going so much better.

Fast forward to May. He tells me that the two of us have changed too much and even though he still loves me, he doesn't think that our marrriage will work. O.k. I delt with that a little better than the first time he left. He put the house up for sale without telling me and the house was a nightmare. We had started remodeling the upstairs. The wasn't even a piece of drywall left up there. We had gutted everything. So he moves out of the house on my birthday, which is 3 days before our anniversary. At this point in time I was just really really angry at him. I've been the one to get the house ready to sell. I've been the one to take care of everything while he is out sitting at a bar.

Now if we move to last Tuesday...he had come to the house and he decides to tell me something that I guess I really wan't ready for. He had been cheating on me...not with just 1 person, but with 5. I lost it. I have never been so angry in my entire life! I tried everything I could possibly think of to save my marriage and he goes out and does that?! I just don't get it. He has recently lost his job, which means he isn't going to be able to keep his apartment. He then asks me if he can move back into the house until it sells. Uh...I don't think so!

So now I'm going to have to go up and get tested, because I'm afraid that since he has been sleeping with other women, that I may have gotten something. It just makes me sick! I don't see how he could have done this. I just don't understand any of it. My life has been turned upside down because he couldn't stay out of a bar or keep his junk in his pants. All I want to do now is to get my house sold and start over again. I can't even stand to look at him right now.

I hope this didn't sound like I was being a big baby, I'm just really angry and frustrated. Thanks for letting me vent. I already feel better!
Jen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 2:50pm
Hello,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. My circumstances are slightly different, but hey, we both ended up at this board right?
I'll be 28 next month and have two kids: 6 and 4. We've been married 8 years. Things aren't miserable, but they're just not good. We both acknowledge that if we had gotten to know each other better we probably would not have married, but because of the kids have given the relationship all we had. I'm just tired. I feel selfish at times, but I want to be with someone who loves me. Who will be happy when he sees me, and who will make me a priority in his life. What my husband and I have now is like being roommates. He's an awesome father to the kids, and he's a nice person....we just don't love each other. And we haven't for so long. So am I selfish to want to finally move on and both focus on being the best parents we can but while living in different homes? We have emotionally gone through so much that I don't even get emotional/angry/mad/depressed/anything when we talk about separating. I'm sorry. I started to write you support and ended up venting myself. Guess we both ended up at this site in desperation. I'll listen to you vent anytime! And thanks for hearing me out too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 2:23pm

Wow... that's a LOT going on at once.... and we're here to hear ya vent ANY time, so jump on in here with us whenever you need to unload.


I agree.... I think that you'll feel much better once all of this is behind you... and GOOD FOR YOU for standing up to him and telling him that he can't move back in.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~