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Just starting
| Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:41am |
Hi! I just wanted to introduce myself, since I think I'll be visiting this board a lot. I'm 23, been married just under 3 years to a wonderful man who has been nothing but good to me for the 6 years we've been together. However, despite that, I'm not in love with him, and while I thought that didn't matter, I realize now that it does. And I'm only getting more and more unhappy. I officially asked him for the divorce on July 3, we made a half-hearted attempt to work it out, but I couldn't do it. We're still living together for financial reasons, and have just started telling people the big news. Most people aren't surprised. It's not that I don't love him, it's that I love him more like a best friend than anything else. Of course, he's in love with me, and he's taking this whole thing pretty hard. I feel like he's trying to guilt me into staying by telling me I'm the only good thing in his life, I'm all he has, he has nothing to look forward to after I leave, etc. He even made a (just for attention) attempt at slitting his wrist. I know he's clinically depressed, but that's been a big reason that I've stayed in a relationship this long and I'm WORN OUT!! I can't do it anymore. I care about him so much, and I just want him to be happy...but I'm not happy in this marriage.
I feel like a failure. Like just because he's not a bad husband, I have no reason to want to leave. And maybe I don't have a good reason, but I can't imagine that this is how marriage is supposed to feel. I almost resent him for loving me more than I can love him. Every time he does something nice, I feel sick with guilt.
We're trying to keep it civil. We both are very sure that we want to be friends at the end of this. But is it possible? Is anyone else feeling guilty for not wanting to be in a marriage with a perfectly good husband? When do the doubts go away? Do they ever?
I guess I'm just looking for someone else who's been in a similar situation, who can maybe offer some advice.
The whole thing hasn't even hit me yet I guess.
Thank you in advance!
I feel like a failure. Like just because he's not a bad husband, I have no reason to want to leave. And maybe I don't have a good reason, but I can't imagine that this is how marriage is supposed to feel. I almost resent him for loving me more than I can love him. Every time he does something nice, I feel sick with guilt.
We're trying to keep it civil. We both are very sure that we want to be friends at the end of this. But is it possible? Is anyone else feeling guilty for not wanting to be in a marriage with a perfectly good husband? When do the doubts go away? Do they ever?
I guess I'm just looking for someone else who's been in a similar situation, who can maybe offer some advice.
The whole thing hasn't even hit me yet I guess.
Thank you in advance!
Signatures On
| Tue, 08-21-2007 - 11:35am |
Wow...reading your story is eerily like mine except for maybe one difference...it doesn't sound like you have any children. I am 27 y/o...been with my husband since I was 15. We have been married for over 6 years now and we have a 3 year old child. Things have been progressively going downhill for me over the past couple of years (a child does change the relationship) and I started doubting everything about us from getting together and serious so young...I never 'knew' anybody else in that way. He is an awesome guy...great father...good worker...all that junk...but I just feel numb anymore. I had a stressful year last year with a chain of events that must have put me into a twenty-something crisis. I have brought up splitting up multiple times and every time he just pretends that nothing is wrong and seems to try harder...which seems to push me away more. I don't even want to be touched anymore (and he wants to have another child!). I finally broke down the other night and told him all this...and that I think we need a break from each other (or I need a break from him) to sort out my feelings and see what I want in life). I don't know how to do that though. The thought of my child growing up in separate houses makes me sick...but so does continuing this relationship the way it is (I physically get ill on the weekends...and I know it's because I have more time to stress over all of this). It's been going on for so long now...I feel I just need to stand up and do something about it and live with the consequences and make the best of all of it. There has been no infidelity on either side... and you're right in saying that makes it more difficult b/c he's not an evil guy. I hate that the end of our marriage (if it comes to that) will be all on my shoulders b/c he loves me more than anything. It's tough...just know you're not the only one out there. I'm as confused about everything as you are or I would offer you some advice. Never posted on here before...just came across this site after going through an msnbc article...came across your message and wow...I know where you are coming from. I'm here if you want to talk more.
