Just starting the divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Just starting the divorce
5
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 11:15pm
Hi, After 8 years of marriage my husband and I have decided to get divorced. It has been coming for at least 7 years. We have gone through so much together, he has 2 kids from his first marriage that I supported them all these years. He had 3 surgeries and didn't work for years. Then I was diagnosed with cancer and went through 2 years of chemo and worked the whole time. Now he is on disability. I really wish things were different but he hasn't been a good husband at all. I plan to "buy" him out of the house by borrowing $, and we see the mediator this week, but I am so scared and stressed out. I know it is the right decision, he just hasn't been there for me and emotionally hurt me for so many years, but it is still so scary. I don't know what to expect. I am sick all the time, can't eat or sleep which I know is not good given my medical history. Any words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated. I think we can do this without fighting but....who knows. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Sun, 07-30-2006 - 12:49am
Well...it is getting worse, we had a small savings account, not much at all and he has taken all of it out....I am so beside myself. Maybe mediation will not work. I am so angry!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 07-30-2006 - 9:28am

hugs...

i am sorry for your pain. you need to take care of yourself - i know that the money is important, but your health and sanity are more important than anything. your husband is going to play dirty - so you need to be prepared.

let us know how the mediation went

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 07-30-2006 - 10:32am
HUGS and welcome. Most of us have been through the rollercoaster of emotions you're feeling right now. We knew the marriage had to end, but it didn't make the process any less painful. I would say keep the mediation appointment anyway, and bring up the savings account during the session. Worst case scenario, you have a session with the mediator, it doesn't work out, and you end up using a lawyer. Hang in there, and let us know how it goes.




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 2:12pm

I too have had to support my husband through most of our marriage and through his illnesses while he does little in return and is ungrateful for what I've done. I know how you must feel. At least you've realized this at 7 wasted years, I've wasted 14 hoping that he will change, that my prayers will be answered and a miracle will happen. But it hasn't and it won't because he doesn't think he needs to change anything and that I'm always at fault.

Don't waste anymore time on him - follow through with your plans. But don't stress over things you can't do anything about. If you can't get the money back, move on; if you don't get what you want from the divorce, move on; when it's all over, move on! If you can fix something then fix it - if you can't, move on. Worry never helped anybody get anywhere but to an early grave. We all make it somehow. When life closes a door and the window is stuck - break the glass!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 4:02pm

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Edited 7/31/2006 4:09 pm ET by kkda0402




Edited 7/31/2006 4:10 pm ET by kkda0402