Just starting my divorce
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| Tue, 03-01-2005 - 7:17pm |
hi all... i'm new to the surviving divorce discussion board after having spent time on the Problem Solving for Couples MB. Here's some background. I'm 34 and have been married for over 10 years. I met my H when I was 18 and he was 17. We never looked back and got married in 1994. Over the past few months i could tell he wasn't happy so i finally asked him in December. He told me that he wasn't happy but then went on to say that he wasn't "in love" with me anymore. The very next day he came home from work and told me he didn't think all was lost...that was December 29. I moved out of my house on January 30 and today I found a lawyer to take my case and the divorce complaint will be filed on Thursday and then in a mere 90 days I'll be divorced. Sadly it has come to this because he feels we've grown to far apart to save us, that I/we can't change but he never gave it a chance. I am completely torn apart over this but am moving forward with the divorce he told me was the "last option"... but no other options have been explored. He tells me that he feels like he's missed out on something in his life... so I hope that he can find happines... I need to concentrate on me.
We have no kids so the split should be easier to negotiate. I don't want the house and will sign that over to him. What I don't know is if that is really a good idea. On the other hand he makes $25k more then me so I am thinking of asking for alimony long enough to help me get on my way. We live in a town of 3500 people so there is no way I am going to stay here. I don't want this divorce...at all so that makes it difficult for me and I just have to believe that it gets easier, that the feelings eventually fade, and that I will be OK.
Thanks for 'listening'
Ali

Hi and welcome. I would not just sign the house over to him. In most states, the law says you get 1/2 the equity in the home (value less mortgage). He can refinance to get the money to buy you out.
Alimony also depends on state law. Have you been working during the marriage? Usually alimony is given when one person gives up their career and needs to return to school to re-establish themselves. But there may be enough marital assets (especially if there is equity in the home) that you can use your share of that to get on your feet.
I am sorry about your divorce. There are lots of women here in your shoes, getting divorce and not wanting that. I am sure you will find the support you are seeking here.
I agree that it is a bad strategy to throw away something that is legally yours (a share in the house) and then ask for something that you may or may not be legally entitled to and which is REALLY REALLY hard to enforce (temporary spousal support).
The house is your bird in the hand. Don't drop to head out looking in the bushes. You can continue to ask about temp spousal, but first get him to buy you out of the house.
Thank you all for your advice so far. While I realize that walking away from my house may not be the best idea... it is the most logical. We live in a very small town and quite frankly I just want to leave as soon as everything is finalized so that I can get on with my life. I live in PA and my lawyer assures me that I could get temporary spousal support without any issues...we'll see. I'm meeting with him again today to see what amount I should ask for either as a lump sum or a monthly payment until that amount is reached. I really don't know if either is possible but it won't hurt to ask. I plan on starting over in another state when this is all said and done.
While my H didn't give us a chance I know that he still cares how I am doing and will want the best for me... I am angry and bitter but I also know that he wasn't the only one in the relationship.
Ali
I agree here with firstamendment and rosemile..... the house is an asset that you're entitled to a portion of the equity fair and square, especially in a 10 year+ marriage.... Alimony is a different story.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~