Just an update...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Just an update...
7
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 2:31pm

I wanted to thank everyone for the support. It means so much.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I recently moved into my own apartment, much closer to where I live. It's nice, being alone sometimes, but I only have three laundry baskets with clothes, a few things of food, a loveseat that's not even mine, and my three kitties for company. That's hard. Really.

I like the fact, though, that I am much closer to my job here now. It's nice not having to spend 55.00 twice a week to fill up my car for work gas alone. That's pretty cool, but living here on the east side of Nashville totally different from living in the north for 16 or so years.

I get kinda lonely sometimes, but I guess that's part of it right?

I recently found out that my "whatever" he is quit his job last night for whatever reason. (A friend told me.) I feel really bad because now he can't pay rent and all that jazz. I remember when I was out of work for awhile, he would often tell me that he wanted to leave me, and I think about how I felt when he said that. There are so many emotions going through me, I kinda feel bad for putting him in this kinda money situation, but that is what has been holding me back for so long. That part really makes me feel bad, I still care about him, I just don't feel like I am in love with him anymore, especially since I have been beaten on so many times.

Are there any tips for what I am feeling? This is normal to have these thoughts, right? I'm not having SECOND thoughts, just feeling kinda low. What's the best way to get over that?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 2:57pm

I'm not familiar with your story so maybe you will think these are ignorant comments.

He quit his job, and now he can't pay his bills. Well he quit his job! What does he expect?

I also recently moved into my own place and I feel much better now that I don't have to see STBX all the time and endure his lying, cheating behavior and his constant disapproval of everything about me.

My STBX doesn't earn enough to support himself, but that didn't prevent him from filing for divorce and acting like a real you-know-what for almost a year.

I figure they make their own beds, now they have to lie in them. Besides, you are better off away from someone that beats on you.

It's normal to have thoughts about what "might have been." We all do.

I think the best way is to make a new life for yourself that doesn't include him. That's what I'm trying to do and it's working out pretty well so far. All kinds of people have come out of the woodwork declaring their friendship and support for me. That's one good thing that has happened.

I also lived alone for many years before I got married so living alone is nothing new to me. It must be nice to have your three kitties!

Good luck and good wishes to you!

Barb S. in IL

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 3:57pm

Hugs to you... i know the feeling of lonliness because i am on my own for the first time ever!! i am however on my third apartment in 8 months (luckily i get month to month leases!!) i've done that because i'm desperately trying to find a place i can call home (i miss my house!!) i was with my ex for 17 years... nearly half my life... it was his decision to say that he wasn't "in love" me anymore and that he didn't want to try.... it's hard... but time and distance - physically and emotionally from that other person is part of the healing process...

Barb is right... HE quit his job so his bills are his responsiblity... just make sure your name is off anything that could cause you to have credit issues... you've got your kitties, your own place... the only person you ever have in life to depend on is yourself...

Take care!
Ali

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart... you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold." Frodo Baggins, LOTR - Return of the King.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 4:18pm

Read! I am dealing with similar emtions/feelings/issues. It's great because it's written by a guy, even. It's called, "Why Does He do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It offers a no-nonense approach. So far so good...


http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0425191656/qid=1128543405/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-9447574-7975060?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 5:34pm

HI there.... Nashville... as in TN?


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 7:04pm

Oh yes, what you are feeling is completely normal. My ex left me pregnant, no job and no money and then got fired from a job he held for years for chatting online with a co-worker all day instead of working! So that left us with even MORE "no money"....


He told me he was living in the car.


Then I found out the truth. He was living with OW... but I found that out AFTER I had wrapped change for him to get medicine for a toothache ( that was also a lie ) instead of buying a Christmas Tree for me and our 6 year old and I gave him money for gas when I needed money for food and our car to get to the store to buy that food with. I went through all the motions you are going through... feeling SO BAD because he had no money, etc etc.....


Well, he quit his job and that is HIS FAULT. NOTHING to do with you. HIS RESPONSIBILITIES are NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE :) So try not to worry... separate yourself and help YOU not worrying about him. I know it's habit and I know it's hard... habits are hard to break sometimes... but if I can do it, so can you :)


Hugs to you....


Angelena















iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 10:50am

Oh, your story made me want to cry, about wrapping change and the Christmas tree. It also made me realize that I am not alone. Thank you, everyone.

In the words of Mrs. Gaynor, "I Will Survive."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 1:58pm

Surviving is apart of what we go through in this whole divorce thing.