Just venting
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| Wed, 05-17-2006 - 7:59am |
Hi all,
It's been a while since I've started a post. Things are pretty good and definitely pretty good when comparing to many of the situations you guys face. I am getting ready to go back to work (I've never worked while being a mom because my oldest has special needs). I've been looking at options for before and after school care for her as well as I signed my youngest up for daycare. This has just caused lots of anger to come back. I have worries about my oldest's safety. The ratios are relatively high and she has problems with balance and walking (she has spina bifida). My youngest is going from being at home with me full time to all day in a daycare. No transition for her whatsoever. It just pi**es me off that my stbx can just make the decision to bail and put our kids in this situation. He wants the freedom to pursue more sex so my kids pay the price. I know that is how it is in all divorces but I just needed to vent about it. I swear I hope his you know what just falls off as he is walking one day. My other issue (and I will be seeing a counselor for this one) is that I am afraid I will never trust what another man says...ever. I think in my soul I believe that men are incapable of being trustworthy and living with integrity. I don't want to teach my girls to hate men or think that men are less but I know that is how I feel. It scares me to think that I am 39 and am actually thinking that I've been in my last relationship by choice!! Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble and put it into words.
Kimberly

I know the feeling totally. My son has special needs to. Luckily he made a good transition to daycare. He started at 3 yrs old and I was petrified. But the daycare is for kids with special needs and so far I have had no problems with them. He gets picked up by bus in the am and dropped off at my sister's at 2:30pm.
I did all the research to find the program, see which place had space available, did the interview, all by myself. Im the one who gets up with him in the middle of the night, takes him to all dr's appts, er visits, has to go pick him up from school when he's sick. Can I call ex for help. NO, because HE always has something going on.
Now he has me in court and has the nerve to say he wants joint custody, and Im mentally instable, Ive committed domestic violence against him. F- him. Whew I guess I needed to vent a bit myself. I mean since the last court fiasco when him and his lawyer accused me of all the above, the exchanges have improved a great deal considering how they began but I dont trust him for a second. I hate that his flipping 19yr gf has to always be there. This saturday was ds first haircut and I told him trying to be nice knowing he missed alot of ds first things.
Common sense she should have kept her behind out of the picture and he should have told her so but no she had to be there. And he allowed it. He makes me sick, she was snapping pictures like he's her son and telling ex how one of the girls at her job asked her how "my son" was doing and she told her fine. I wanted to tell her go have your own f'ing son and leave my alone, it made me sick. But I kept as cool as ice, was polite and didnt show i had a care in the world they were both there, she moving stuff from him ugly lip. It hurt, I do admit it especially since i was alone. In the past I couldnt have pulled that off. And I know he would feed off it hurting me to see them together as he did in the past. When events were coming regarding our ds I would ask him to let it be just us and ofcourse he wouldnt. Well he got a shock that day. I didnt ask him and I didnt even blink when she got out the car. I smiled and said hi to her and kept on my business.
I know its hard. Allow yourself to feel what your feeling. You know it will pass. Often we are much stronger than we realize. WE are all her for YOU. I too am afraid of not ever trusting a man again. I just pray everyday for God to send me my "dream man" and that my ex will get his KARMA for what he did to me. I think that hurts me the most. It seems as though he got off scott-free jumped right into a new relationship from me then another when he left her pregnant with twins to the one he has now. He didnt go through the pain of being alone like me. He has done no growth at all. He is just happily in another relationship. When does he get his? Again its all normal and I know how you feel.
Kimberly, feel free to vent away! This is a great place to air all our frustrations so we don't take it out on the wrong people at the wrong time.
As for daycare, your kids will be OK. I had to put my son in daycare when he was in infant, at my ex's insistence. He wouldn't hear of me working anything less than a full-time schedule, and we had no family to help out, so that was it. I know it's VERY scary at first, but before long, it will be like a seond family to them. My DS is 11 now, and still talks about his daycare friends and teachers.
As for your STBX's "parts" falling off while he is walking? All I can say about that is.....LOL! That's a very funny image. You know, every time you feel furious about him, you should picture that so it'll give you a good laugh.
And trusting men again. Seriously, after my ex, I basically thought all men were going to be like Satan! However, I met someone who is kind, intelligent, attentive, loving, generous with his time and love...he's really wonderful. So there are some decent men out there, I assure you. In time, you will see that. Right now, the situation is just too painful.
Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange....
HI Kimberly.... I too think that day care can be a positive experience.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~