Just venting!
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| Sat, 06-11-2005 - 11:12pm |
Lots of little stuff is REALLY starting to piss me off!!!!
Well, H has not been putting any effort toward "working it out" as he claims to want to do. In fact, when I went to the house several weeks ago to spend time with him and dd, he asked me when I was going to take the rest of my things from the house. I finally said, "just give me a box and tell me when" he said, "I am glad you are finally admitting we have no future together." Nice, huh?
I keep having dreams that I catch him with another woman and it REALLY hurts, even if it is only a dream! I don't know what has me all upset but it has to stop!
He is really being a jerk about spending time with dd. Last weekend he went to a wedding and was out all evening and late into the night. He had not asked me to watch dd but asked his mom to watch her (even though she would be with his mom the entire NEXT day too) because "it was more convenient." How is that more convenient? His mom lives just as far as I do not to mention I AM HER MOM! I was especially pissed because I had family visiting from Alabama (we live in Pennsylvania), and my whole family was getting together (dd has not been with me for the last 2 family events). I had a huge fit and he eventually admitted he didn't ask me because "You get her 5 days a week." Then of course denied it right away. DUH, I have ears! When I got really upset and started crying he finally "allowed" me to take her for a couple of hours and then I would have to drop her off at his house where his mom would meet me and drive dd to her house for the night. AH!
After that incident he said he would be better about communicating with me and planning (he is also late picking her up almost every week). We had a plan for this weekend (it was a little mixed up because I had a training for work and he was going out with his friends). At the last second he changed his mind and again I got upset (what happend to our resolution and our plan???). We were arguing about it over the phone and as soon as I started to get really worked up I realized that he was no longer on the phone, but it was ONE OF HIS FRIENDS! He thought it would be a good idea to hand the phone to a friend of his! That REALLY set me off and we got into it for almost an hour.
Now dd is sad (she was crying last night) because daddy isn't my friend anymore and he makes me sad. It breaks me heart. I never say anything bad about him to her, and I do try to explain things, but it is so hard. I am so overwhelmed between the marriage and my job (this was my first year as a middle school teacher) that I don't know what to do because I don't know how I truly feel!

Middle school!!!! EEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
So sorry to hear it, krelle. If he does not stick with agreements, then you may find your happiness in lowering your expectations. Some couples can work into a mutually beneficial co-parenting relationship, others not. And even those who are successful may have acheived it only after a lot of time has passed and the emotions have died down.
Perhaps you two need some time, to gain some distance. It may be that he gets something out of thwarting you, or even making you shout at him, I don't know. But if you don't enjoy the power struggle or the frustration, then find some way to throw your hands up and let it go. You are helpless/powerless to get him to do what you think is best.
For many of us, we have to settle for remaining powerless unless or until the child is in serious, imminent danger. To save yourself on the frustration and the struggle, one option is to let go. Best of luck in whatever you decide.