Just venting!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2005
Just venting!
5
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 8:47am

Ok, so, I always manage to feel bad for my STBX because he's hurting, although I still don't think he has any clue as to why I left, even after I couldn't have made it more clear. Anyway, the other week I registered my car for MD, and got new tags. I didn't have the tools to put my new plates on, so I figured I'd take advantage of my STBX's willingness to help out and have him put them on. So, of course he tried to make small talk, and it didn't work too well for him. He had the nerve to ask me, "So, do you want some lovin?", and then continued to talk about how even after all the turmoil he still hasn't lost his drive. And then he asked me to try out his new bed with him!!! Are guys really that dense????!! Anyway, I wasn't a happy camper and made it a point to leave as quickly as I could.

We have a little dog that we bounce back and forth each month, but fortunately for me, STBX had to go out of town for work for a few days, so I got to watch her. Anyway, I dropped her off yesterday. No big deal. Then, he had the nerve to call me a few hours later to ask me if I had taken the Resolve with me when I took her. I told him I did, but that I must have forgotten to put it with the rest of our little dog's stuff. So he proceeded to come down on me about this stupid bottle of Resolve, telling me that I should just drop that bottle off and buy my own! And the nerve! I had just bought her a new bag of dog food before I gave her back because I didn't want to give him an almost empty bag! (Plus I wasn't sure how long it would take him to actually buy her new food). But, I think a bag of dog food costs a heck of a lot more than a bottle of Resolve! Ugh! It's things like that, how he gets bent out of shape and comes down on me about stupid little things I do, all out of mistake or forgetfulness, which I sometimes think he thinks I do on purpose for whatever stupid reason, that helps me remember why I left him in the first place!

And I really hate how he's not giving me space at all. Every time I talk to him, he has to ask me what I've decided (whether I want a divorce or not, which I do, but I'm waiting to tell him after he gets rid of the car that's in both of our names, and until I'm considered a resident), but it hasn't even been a full month that I've been gone yet! Ugh! I really just can't wait until I don't have to deal with him anymore!

Anyway, I just had to vent. Sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: nslods
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 9:26am
Venting is good. But it seems to me that you would be better off not asking him for favors like putting your licsense plate on and that you should each have your own doggie supplies. Having the supplies go back and forth just gives you one more thing to negotiate and possibly argue over. Of course you have to talk to him if it's about the divorce, or if the schedule changes regarding the dog, but try to eliminate the need to talk to him about other things and you will be much better off.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2005
In reply to: nslods
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 9:59am
Oh trust me. I'm definitely finished with asking him for favors. And I'll definitely take your advice on having separate things for the dog at each of our places. I think the reason I hadn't before was because I didn't want to stress our dog out anymore than she has been by having all different things for her over at my place. But, I think she's just generally happier to be with me anyway, so different things probably wouldn't bother her too much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: nslods
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 10:08am
Part of this for all of us is trial and error, no matter what our situations with our ex's are. Not that it's exactly the same, but I am thinking of my dd and how my ex and I handle her going back and forth. We can't afford to have two wardrobes at each house, so obviously clothes have to go back and forth. At first everything went back and forth, including underwear, socks, and toys. After a while we realized that it was silly. Sock and underwear aren't to expensive, and it would save a lot of hassle trying to pack those things each week. We sent toys at first so whatever her favorite toy of the moment was would be with her. But in reality she has plenty of toys at each house, and she does fine if we leave most of the toys where they are. If she's really into her My Little Pony coloring book, she will enjoy it that much more when she's been away from it for a week. We usually let her take one stuffed animal and two barbies back and forth, but that's it. I'm thinking for a dog, she will be just fine having two sets of everything :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2005
In reply to: nslods
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 10:17am

"...so I figured I'd take advantage of my STBX's willingness to help out and have him put them on."

This is a very revealing statement about your divorce and what may be at the root of it. Although his suggestion to have sex was misguided, I don't see much evidence that this man is inherently bad. Maybe petty, but not bad. Many marriages are destroyed when couples focus too much on the small stuff. I would say that a bottle of Resolve constitutes "small stuff". It may be helpful to go back and think of the arguments you have had with him over trivial things. That may give you some good insight as to why your marriage did not work out and help you if you ever get married again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2005
In reply to: nslods
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 10:30am
Thanks for your reply. There is more background info about the dissolving of my marriage on the 'dealing with domestic abuse' board. I know my STBX is not a bad person, but I feel that there are things that he really needs to work on before he should be in a married relationship. I can understand how you see from my post that the things I am venting about are petty, and I agree with you that is what it appears to be, but the whole manner in which he addresses them with me is what is not petty at all. I guess I wasn't really clear on that part.