Just want to run far far away
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| Thu, 08-03-2006 - 4:38pm |
I got divorced almost 1 year 8 months 1 day ago, I have two boys (14 yrs); trying to keep a workable relationship with my Ex, we are paying for their college tuition through Michigan educational trust, no alimony, no child support. In the mean time, I have been seeing my coworker and recently he has proposed. He is very sweet and nice, we have 8 yrs of age difference, I am older (37), his family has been extremely nice toward me and my kids. Everything is very perfect, I have been living together with my fiancé, and planning a wedding in the Fall of next year.
My Ex was abusive physically and mentally, he also had a drinking problem for last 4 years, we had a very toxic relationship- I tried to focus on my kids, work and school, and he tried to focus on kids, porn and drinks. It was a perfect denial situation. Now even after my engagement, he is hoping for me to go back to him. He thinks that I didn't give him a second chance (we were married for 14 yrs, and he started being violent frequently from the very beginning)! Anyway, I have trying to do my best to make him understand that I am engaged and about to be married, I am also making sure kids are okay and spending as much time possible with them, I am also trying to plan for the wedding with my fiancé and his family, and mingle with his family. Everything is under control, right? Then why am I having these weird urges to go away somewhere far far away alone?

Are you sure you would use the word perfect? I don't want to be negative but I think you realize without actually saying it that's not how your world is or how you feel. You are feeling overcome, aren't you? That's exactly what I feel when I want to "run away". Have you ever tried counseling? Maybe your relationship with your xh in the past and present is a problem for you and you are having a problem dealing? It would be best to get the previous relationship issues under control before you step into another marriage. That, I am sure you have heard before, right? Really, talk to someone. It does help.
robin
Thank you so much for your suggestion; we are actually starting a family counseling (kids and I) soon and I am hoping that it’ll help us a lot.
I think when someone is divorced and has kids under 18, the uncomfortable issues with Xh last pretty much until the kids are grown up. I am dealing the situation with a firm hand, explaining to him that I have moved on and my engagement proves that as well. We had lots of issues, but we need to put all of that behind for the sake of kids. They are never going to be happy with Mom and Dad fighting constantly or bickering at each other at every opportunity. I am waiting long enough (over one year) for everyone around us to get used to my upcoming marriage. But if I post pond it now, it will make my Xh more hopeful.
Did I mention that I work full time and going to evening school (MBA) after work? May be I am simply tired?