Just wanted to say hi and give update
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| Fri, 09-08-2006 - 11:04am |
Hi everyone -
The two weeks have been pretty busy for me. I even went shopping to change up my wardrobe and style and I got my hair cut, colored, highlighted and styled completely different. I even faced up to my family about us splitting up. I've had interviews and tests for employment opportunities. Since I'm still out of work, I've been dropping off and picking up and driving around my first grader. I've gone out a couple of times with friends to bars and clubs. I had always felt guilty when I went out with my friends because my husband was working while I was out and I knew that he sometimes thought that I was out trying to meet people or my friends were influencing me in that way. I had never cheated on him, barely even let myself look at other guys because I knew that he felt that way. Now that he is my STBX, I felt free to just have fun. I didn't even care to meet guys but I was able to just let loose and dance and laugh and have a great time.
Yesterday night I didn't have anything to do. I just sat down and started thinking. I got really sad and the pain of the divorce resurfaced big time. I started thinking about him again. I know that the road I'm traveling now will lead me to something bigger and better yet I can't help turn around and wonder about the possibilities of yesterday's dreams. I looked around me and found myself alone. I felt so lonely and wonder if this is how I will be for the rest of my life. I thought about what he might be up to now, if he's got someone else, if he is happy now...everything.
A friend of mine called a while later. We almost never talk about my STBX but talking with him always makes me feel better. Although I was emotionally drained, I was so glad that we talked because I know that I'll laugh and smile when we talk.
So here's where I am now...I woke up this morning a little on the gloomy side because of the emotional strain of thinking about the STBX but now I'm doing okay. I'm going to go for my run/walk/jog and get Starbucks and have a couple cigarettes (yes, I live a very contradictory world!). I'm thinking good thoughts and trying to stay positive. As they say "Living well is the best revenge." That's what I'm striving for.
I hope everyone is doing okay or better! I hope that everyone has a great day and that you take time to remember the good things in your life.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hang in there! I'm told it does get better
Kelly
Remember, there are bumps in the road for everyone. Overall, you sound like you're coping well and moving forward. Congrats!