Just when do you take the ring off?...
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| Mon, 03-14-2005 - 10:55am |
I left the house for church with our son on February 27th, and haven't returned. I have no intention on returning, and haven't since walking out the door that morning. It's been an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship (I've been posting on the Recognizing and Dealing with Domestic Abuse board on and off for years... the more recent details have been posted there).
I have filed the divorce papers (if he didn't get them over the weekend, he should be getting them in the next day or so), he's received the summons for the court date for custody, and the lawyer is filing the papers for support today.
So... when do you take off the wedding ring?... After the divorce is final... or after you separated? I've been divorced emotionally for a long time now.
Thanks,
Phoenix

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I took mine off when I thought my ex might take it from me. He was abusive, an alcoholic and a cheater. After five years and a major episode, I told him I wanted out and wasn't changing my mind. It was very emotional as he did not want me to leave. When we were dividing our assets he asked for my ring back. I told him no, that it was a gift and was therefore mine. He got really upset. The next morning I found his ring on my dresser like "here, here's my ring..now give me yours." I took it off and gave it to a friend to hold until after the divorce because I did not trust that he wouldn't try to take it from me. I didn't want his. He asked me why would I want to keep something that represented his love for me. My friend told me I should have told him "to get the best darn price I can." I still have it. I'm not made of money and it's sort of a little emergency savings in diamonds.
The funny thing is that I left him 3 years ago, but went back. One of the (many) reasons I left was because he "lost" his wedding ring when on a business trip. He told me he took it off to shower and forgot about it and when he came back to his room..it was gone. It just sounded fishy, he wouldn't look at me when he said it and he NEVER took it off to shower at home. After I left him 3 years ago and he was emotional, calling everyone I knew to try and get me back, he confessed to my mother that he actually lost it at the hotel bar. He told MY MOTHER that he thought the bartender was really hot and he didn't want her to know he was married so he slipped off his ring, got drunk and the next day realized it was no longer in his pocket and he went back to the bar, but it was gone.
Phoenix. I took it off when I did not feel married anymore, and never put it on again. It was years before the separation.
That small gesture helped me to see what I really wanted to do.
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