Just wondering
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| Tue, 04-04-2006 - 9:18pm |
Do any of you feel before you were divorced that you just weren't sure???
I will be married 15 years this Oct. We have a 6 year old son. Our marriage is OK but I really don't love him anymore I do to a point, he says he loves me. We are best friends. Do people stay just because? Because it's easier? I'm not looking to leave because I have a boyfriend or because I want someone else.
My reasons are probably the dumbest yet to an extent. I was almost 21 when I met him and I have never been on my own (well I can't now because I have a child) but I mean on my own just me and my son). To just be able to come and go as I please.
My life isn't bad. My husband cooks for me does the yard work but he can be a jerk (like most I suppose). He supports me with a really good job. He doesn't stop me from buying stuff. He doesn't like it when I go out with MY friends so I haven't but that is one of the things that has been bothering me for a few months now. I work also. I resent him because I had to go back to work even though he makes good money, but he's so greedy it's not funny. My mom has never ever liked him. She has given us a lot of money that she didn't have when we were starting out. She thinks he's ignorant which he is. I have gotten verbal abuse through the years. But he's never beaten me if he did that would be a no brainer for me I'd leave. I know that verbal abuse is just as bad but its not really bad either.
I guess is it worth getting a divorce over childish stuff? Or are these things people just go through in marriage? I really believe its easier to stay. I'm an Administrative Assistant so I don't make much money plus I don't have benefits with my job my husband has great ones which I need because I have a real mild case of MS. Nothing to speak of I've been doing great for 11 years now with it. But it's still out there.
I have talked to a therapist and she told me if its not causing any problems with your son (meaning if he doesn't notice your little fights here and there) then stay. It's not as easy as it looks she said.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you

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There's nothing about your post that I disagree with. Of course ppl should try first. I guess I'm just naive in the fact that I keep assuming things. Like that ppl would not just get divorced on a whim because they don't feel connected to their spouse sometimes. Maybe I give humans too much credit. LOL I assume that ppl who get married, want to be married, therefore would not just give up on their marriage in a flight. I assume that if divorce is even being discussed that there are problems....very serious problems. I assume that I'm making an ass out of myself by assuming too much. LOL
But seriously, I do agree with you...what you describe is what I call working on love. You did work on love. Your husband didn't. Your husband did not leave you because he was no longer in love with you, he left because he's a selfish man who does not know what love is. Don't let him use that excuse on you and let him make you jaded against it. Seems he never knew what love was, so how could he fall out of it?! I'm sorry you had to go through all that and I hope you and your girls are doing well.
I think you both need counseling. You both have the grass is greener syndrome working here. You cheated, he cheated. Nobody is innocent in this marriage of not turning to others for having their needs met.
There is an innocent child caught in the middle.
I think you both need to get into counseling together to work towards a common goal, either repairing your marriage, or working towards ending it amicably.
Thanks...we are doing well actually. Because I did all I could, I don't feel the guilt. I feel anger and pity for him (cause it's sad when people don't have the skils to be happy and content in life). I just post this stuff because I don't want anyone to feel ok about "just leaving a marriage." I want to be sure that people understand how serious vows are and how hard divorce is. In my case, my husband is really lacking something in his soul. There's nothing I could do and I tried for 11 years. Many of the people that have posted recently may be in the same situation and will just have to leave. Still I am going to encourage everyone to give it a shot in counseling especially if there are children involved. At the very least maybe some of the resentments can be handled so that a good co parenting relationship can be established. Who knows, maybe once the communication starts back some of the people will reconnect? Thanks for the good thoughts!!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
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