Just wondering if anyone...
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| Thu, 07-10-2008 - 4:34pm |
Hi everyone,
Just wanted to put a bit of my story out here, and ask a question. First of all I'd like to say thank you for being kind to people on this board. Obviously everyone here is hurting to some degree, and I've seen many posts and responses that were non-judgmental, which made me feel safe enough to post.
My husband of 12 yrs and I recently separated, more my idea than his. (No kids, I'm 29) But our marriage has been pretty terrible for a few years now. He has been emotionally abusive and cruel (even he admits to it at this point), we had MAJOR financial issues, neglect, etc. etc.
During the separation, I started seeing someone else. He had a very hard time with this, but I never lied about it. He had every opportunity to stop it, try to tell me things would change, anything, but chose not to. His words: "I thought so-and-so would make you happier." He thought this because it turns out he installed a program on my cell phone that allowed him to download all my text messages and emails to his phone for 4 months! And I was around him all the time. He told me nothing. While he read everything.
We are in diff. states right now. He is in our house, I am in the BF's house, which has been VERY difficult. Not because the BF isn't great, but because he is looking for a full-blown relationship, but I just can't. Again, I've been honest about this.
I talk to my husband everyday, because he swears he has learned a great deal from this, and even says he is grateful this happened, because now he feels like he "knows how to love".
I am going to my first therapy session tomorrow, and I'm glad. The husband has offered me a place of my own (I am not trying to be dependent on anyone, but long story short, I invested millions in my husband's co and have not seen a return yet, so that's the financial sitch) in his state, with the opportunity to go to couples' counseling, as well as individual.
Was just wondering if anyone knows anyone whose marriage has bounced back from this, or if you have any thoughts at all. Trying to take things one day at a time, but of course I am waking up very depressed and it is hard.
Thank you.

I think if both people in the marriage are willing to try, and are vested, it's possible. And I think you'd need to ditch the BF...three in a marriage, while trying to figure things out, doesn't work too well I'd think. But I don't think it would be easy...but with work it could be rewarding. I only wish my H had been willing to work at it...but that's a moot point now. GL!
Thanks for replying. I think we are both willing to try - don't know for sure how it will go. He needs much individual therapy, too - to get rid of some of those tendencies - but overall, it may work out. As for the BF, we are just friends right now, and the therapist thinks that's a good thing. She thinks it is important to maintain a friendship with him, but nothing more, so that's what we're doing. The BF is good enough to want to do what's best for my well-being, and that is definitely saying a lot!