to keep future divorce a secret or not
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to keep future divorce a secret or not
| Sun, 02-12-2006 - 4:01pm |
My sister's husband has made it clear and definite that he wants a divorce. He does not want to tell anyone except me and her best friend until summer when their two daughters come home from college. She is in a lot of pain, and I think this pretense of a marriage is more pain for her. He tends to control, and she is going along with his time table of when to tell and to whom. I feel like it is an unhealthy secret. I am not sure if timing of telling grown children is the most important thing or the pain of the mother. Any advice for me to help her with this would be great. Thanks

no, it's not okay at all. she needs to seek counselling. really. she needs to be shown how controlling this is -- a therapist will help a lot. that's how you can help. get her a referral to someone respected.
she's depressed and this is one of the toughest times in her life and she really can't rely on herself to think clearly right now. (mine is the voice of experience.) luckily she has you to help her. good luck.
While ~he~ may want to keep it a secret until it is a better time for the truth to come out for ~him~ I would have to ask what she feels... after all, this is her life, marriage and divorce too...
While I don't know if it is really healthy to keep it a secret, as the truth will eventually come out... I would encourage your sister to seek counseling and perhaps some medical attention. The whole process of divorce, including the horrible state of limbo in which your sister currently resides, is terribly difficult. She could see her doctor, who is bound by patient confidentialty, and discuss some of the symptoms she is having and see if there are some medications or counselors that may be able to help her get through this process...
In the meantime, secret or not... be there for your sister... she needs you now more than ever as her ideas of her future are shattered and she is trying to find her inner compass once again...
*hugs*
Julie