Kids and 1st Christmas

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Kids and 1st Christmas
Sun, 12-16-2012 - 2:31pm

Hi all,

this is a tough time, isn't it?  It's my first Christmas going through this and splitting the time over the holidays.  Luckily I'm a teacher and I have 3 weeks home with my boys.  The tough part really for me is that the ex and his girlfriend are taking the boys to places I can't afford.  Hard enough pill to swallow that she's in their life because he was cheating on my with her but then having them play family with my boys is an even bigger pill.  I KNOW I should just be happy for them that they're getting to do fun things but deep inside it's killing me.  If you went or are going through this how do you cope with it?



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 7:09pm
That is tough, watching your ex and the person he cheated with taking your kids to all sorts of fun, expensive places. I'm sure it feels like a slap in the face to you, like they're rubbing your nose in it or something, but you have to know the real reason they are spending all that money is due to guilt. You also have to know that your kids will know it's all about guilt, too. We forget that as children, we weren't idiots who had no clue about our parents' motivation. Kids are a lot more observant and intelligent than we give them credit for; it's just that they can't verbalize those things to us, as they don't have the skills for that kind of conversation. As long as you go on spending time with the kids, doing everyday things like cooking with them, homework, a walk after dinner together, going to the park, etc, they will not suddenly decide they like their dad and his new GF better. My boys would rather spend a day hiking, picnicking, or something else pretty much free than anything artificial and expensive; Disney is fake, and they know it.
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 1:19pm


So sorry you are going through this...

My now ex left me and moved in with the OW while we were still married...

As my kids got older they figured it out.

Usually they never saw him unless he got a new g/f he wanted to impress...;)...oh ya even after he divorced me and married her they didn't end up together...either. It didn't LAST!

Money was tight for us, but my kids thought I was a good budgeter...:)...We did a lot of things together and they were free.

Picnics in the park, p&j sandwiches a 2L bottle of juice and we were good to go...:)...Popcorn and a borrowed movie from the Library.

We read together.

Kids aren't stupid and they know who is doing the stuff behind the scenes.

Homework, Lunches. Laundry, taking and picking them up from school, bathtime, bedtime, snacktime etc.

The List goes on...:)...

My ex slowly well actually really fast out of the picture and was not actively involved.

My ds contacted by e-mail no response and my dd by phone but neither of them got a response.

His Loss!

I remember one g/f and I got along really well, my dd and her had a relationship. Even after they broke up they kept in touch. She took her to work with her and always never forget her little brother my ds.

She ultimately found out from the kids that they hadn't seen their dad for about six months.

It was after he had met her kids that she learned this I think, and like me when you are a Single Mom you have to think about that when introducing your kids to someone.

They ended breaking up but she still remained close for a long time with dd.

I liked her a lot.

Eventually the novelty of it will wear off.

My kids were never allowed to leave anything of theirs at their dad's.

When it came to visitation he was pretty inconsistent and unreliable.

Your kids have a Life with you their Mom that is separate from him.

They also have to share him with her.

Believe me they appreciate you.

Love is the most precious thing you can give them.