Kids are at dads for 1st time, I am sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Kids are at dads for 1st time, I am sad
2
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 10:23pm

I think the kids have been gone once in the last year. Today I dropped them with their dad. I am so very sad. I just keep crying. I don't know what to do. I miss them so much. Then there is part of me that is sad I am missing out on part of their life. There dad is planning to do all kinds of fun things with them that he would never do when we were together. Now I am missing out. My two youngest cried and yelled when I dropped them off. They did not want to go. It killed me to have them crying and yelling for me. Then I called to check on them and they started crying again. I tried real hard to remind them of the fun things they get to do and make it a happy thing they would look forward to. It did not help. I even kept my happy face on all day so they thought I was happy they got to go. Sorry, I just don't know what to do. Thanks for listening.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 11:30am

When you are such a huge part of your kids lives....and vice versa...it's soooo hard to let them go. But you have to. Take this time and do things for YOU that you normally can't do when they are there. Take a longggg bubble bath, go out for drinks with some friends, sleep til noon. Eat cereal for dinner.....


My kids are with me 24/7-unless they sleep at a friends house. My ex doesn't take them. I havent had a break in months. My mom came last night to watch sons basketball game and took the boys home with her. She's going to have them until Sunday! I have an entire weekend free!!!!


As much as I love my kids, and I know you do too, you need a break. Remember: Dad may do fun things with them that you dont get a chance to do...but they know who is *really* there for them.


Take this time for you and do stuff you've been wanting to do!!! Enjoy the free time......


Deb

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 1:25pm

Jennifer,


Do your kids have regularly scheduled visits with their father? If so, it's time for you to take care of yourself and PLAN for the time they are with them.


As Deb said, this can be a good time for both you and your children. Don't try to compete with their father and don't sit around and work yourself into a blue mood because you're not with them every second. Make plans on how you will spend your time by yourself when they are gone for a while. Also, make every effort to comfort them about their visits but make sure they know its a special treat to go see their Dad.


I'd also suggest you NOT call them while they're visiting their Father. You automatically trigger their anxiety (and they can feel yours) and it disrupts the time they spend with him. I'd make an arrangement with their father to have him call you if necessary, especially if they're just gone for a day or two. A bedtime phone call might OK to say good night but it should be upbeat, not teary. When they return make it an upbeat experience for them to tell you what they did while with their father.


This will take time. It's going to hurt and it will be hard to look upon it as a good thing. However, as Deb said, you'll eventually come to look forward to your time alone and take advantage of it.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020