Kids issue, what do you do?
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Kids issue, what do you do?
| Thu, 01-18-2007 - 7:34pm |
In the last couple of weeks my 4 year old has thrown the "If you won't let me do x I'm going to go live with Daddy". I usually don't address it directly, tinking that doing so will show him that it has an impact when he says this. Tonight he was taking his brother by the hand to run away and live with daddy because I took away his V-smile as punishment for bad behaviour. Tonight it really got under my skin (in conjunction with the other behavioural issues I've been having with him today) and I had to go to my room and have a cry. I think it's time to address this directly, but I'm not sure what stance to take. Anyone with experience have advice?

The thought has crossed my mind to say "Ok, if that's what you want, I'll call your dad". But with things as tenuous as they are (my STBX would LOVE to sue me for full custody and i'm really paranoid about what info he is always gathering to use against me) I am just afraid to say that.
I tried to explain to him that saying things to hurt someone isn't right no matter how angry you are, but I don't see him "getting it". I guess this is a bigger lesson than just a division of homes... it's about teaching a 4 year old that being mean is not ok no matter how angry you are.
Bah. I still don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm parenting all wrong.
This probably seems real harsh especially for a 4 yr old, but it was what my mom did with me at about 6 when I kept threatening to run away(she had just had my little sister).
Sit the child down and calmly say I'm sorry you feel this way because the last thing I want is for you to leave our family, But if this is how you feel we need to call your father and tell him you are coming right know and he needs to back a bag while you let him know whats going on(in my case she said she was going to make me PB&J's while I backed my bag so I'd have something to eat while I looked for a new home).
If and that's a BIG IF he calls your bluff, call your EX and tell him about the situation, but also leave it that this is until he gets aload of how day to day life is over there not disneyland dad time. He will probably try everything in his power to convince him he shouldn't do this but I don't know the history.
Youre doing fine!
Thanks for all the responses.
I think the firm but gentle method is starting to work. He tends to spout off and say hurtful things whenever he's angry. It ranges from "I'll go in my room and never come out" to "I don't love you anymore" in a typical scenario. He hasn't said the "i'm going to live with daddy" again yet.
Every time he starts tossing his frustration around in nasty words I just get eye to eye with him and tell him that it's not okay to be hurtful no matter how angry he is about having to pick his sandwich crusts up off the floor (rolleyes). He's just a tad intense. I think we'll work it out in time.
Your suggestions and support are, as always, very much appreciated.
that's tough to hear, but remember he isn't doing it to hurt you, he is doing it to see if you will give in! (maybe it works at dad's house!).
At age 4 that may be his only way to verbalize his frustration with what is going on. I agree about not giving in to the drama because once he knows he is getting to you, it will continue.
When my kids do that I just say things like "Your really mad at me right now", because that is how he is feeling. When my kids figured out that it wouldn't work, they stopped.
Big Hugs and don't take it personal!!
Edited 1/23/2007 1:19 pm ET by ipleadthe5th