Lack of emotional support from my Mom...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Lack of emotional support from my Mom...
5
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 6:47am

Yesterday, I decided I better fill my Mom in on the fact that the kids have been introduced to the OW.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 7:27am
im sorry! its certainly no help in a situation like this for her to be acting that way. im sorry, i really dont have any advice but i just wanted to offer some support.
:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 8:47am
Your mom does sound like she's being unsupportive, however, she just wants what is best for you and her grandchild. She hates to see you and her hurting, and this is how she's responding. Think about it if your daughter were in the same situation you are in. You would probably be thinking (if not doing) the same things she is. So while it sucks, she really does have yours and your daughter's best interest at heart. She just doesn't knwo how to show it since she hates seeing you guys hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:04am

Avoidance..... if something can be avoided.... it can be ignored... like it doesn't exist.... and sometimes we're skewed to


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:08am

My mom is generally supportive, but when she found out I was going to have to pay child support she went nuts. She would not stop talking about how unfair it was and how morally wrong it was. I kept trying to tell her that was not helping me, it was the law and btw, she would not be saying it was unfair if my ex had to pay cs to me, so she was being biased because I'm her daughter and I'm a woman. It took her months to get over it and I realized that once the subject dropped I had to leave it alone.

Sometimes when you know someone is not going to be supportive, you have to tell them as little as possible and then be clear when you've had enough of the discussion. Tell your mom that legally can you cannot keep your STBX from introducing the other woman and her comments are making you feel *worse* so you want drop the discussion. Anytime you are feeling bad tell her you need to change the subject. It is also okay to be clear on what you do need, for example tell her you wish with every bone in your body OW was not in the picture and was not being introduced to the children, and what you were hoping to hear from her was sympathy not criticism, and if she can give you sympathy you will talk to her and otherwise you won't. Sometimes a person knowing exactly what you need makes it possible for them to give you that, and if not, at least you tried. If she can't be relied on for support, then don't put yourself in a position to try and get support from her (easier said than done I know).

(((HUGS)))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 7:34pm

Well, after a couple days and one more semi-blowup, all is well with the parents again.

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