last couple of days have been bad
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 04-13-2005 - 2:52pm |
Hi guys,
First let me apologize for not being around as much as I should be. The last couple of days have been bad all around.
A lot of little stuff, but the major one is that I got a surprise visit from my mom yesterday. As some of you know via my posts I have not been friendly with my mom, mostly by her choice. She told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore about 4 months ago. Yesterday was the first time I saw her in 4 months....
She was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago. She has had ups and downs with it.... it has spread to her lung, hips and ribs... she also had 5 large tumors on her spine. Apparently the Cancer is pretty bad and back in full force.
She told me that the docs have given her 6 weeks to live. The tumors on her spine are completely covering it and her tumor markers in her blood are at their highest. She came over yesterday to talk about "final" plans. She wants her body donated to science ( one of the local med schools ) so I wouldn't have to worry about a funeral or a casket. She also told me some other stuff.....
I guess I just figured she would outlive us all. I am pretty sad about it and can't talk about it. I feel cold and bad that she and I have not gotten along in so long. When she would lash out at me I would lash back and I admit I have said some rotten things. She has a drinking problem and I told her unless she stops that I would not see her again and she could not be around my kids.
AHHHHHH, I just feel lost. Numb almost. My family has completely broken apart over the last almost 2 years. My dad moved to Virginia and they are technically still married, even though he has a girlfriend and is living happily ever after. My mom hasn't talked to her family in YEARS, I am all that she has.
I sent my father an email this morning, about mom, he said " I had no idea she was that bad off " well DUH! that's because you haven't talked to her in a year.
I guess I am just sad. I feel crappy about my family and my mom. She said to me "why bother with a funeral no one would come anyway"
What a mess.
As soon as I figure out what is happening, I will be back in full force. I still check and post where needed, but I don't initiate posts anymore--- like I should.
Take care and I will see you on the boards :)


Pages
Gosh, I'm sorry about your mom--about her impending death and your lack of a relationship. It's a huge loss for you both ways. My sympathy.
I'm gonna call my mom and tell her I love her tonight. Even though she gets on my nerves at times, I really appreciate her.
Hugs to you in your pain,
Cupcake
Thanks guys :)
Oh Sweetie, what awful news! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I hope she feels no pain in her body or her heart. It must be difficult to have this happen when things have been so rocky between the two of you. Hang in there.
Melanie
Oh wow.... I'm so sorry to hear that...... and when you said "it has spread to her lung, hips and ribs"... my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer.... 6 years ago, and it spread to her lymph nodes, then to her lung, hips and other bones.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
huge hugs!!! this is very sad - you have a lot of issues to deal with, and you don't really have time. you have to be grateful for one thing, though - and that is that you WILL Have a chance to say goodbye and let her go in peace. i don't think we are ever really prepared for death - and its so hard to see a loved one die. i watched my mother die 18 years ago. she had slipped into a coma and we were not aware that "that was it".
you notified your dad - and that is all you can do. you can't make other people 'do what's right' - all you can do is do what's right for you.
Thank you all for your positive thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate the support.
I guess the hardest thing right now is what do I do now? I know I should spend extra time with her and she should see the kids. She saw my youngest for the first time since he was just a couple of weeks old the other day.
I don't know where to start. I still hold some anger towards her, she has blamed me for her divorce, her attempted suicides and a lot of other things. I know I shouldn't "end it" on a bad note... I guess I just don't know where to start.
Thanks again to everyone. You have no idea how much this means.
I was thinking more about how I would approach this situation. I wouldn't make it about the past at all. If she brings up the past I would say the past is behind us and I want to just focus on making the time you have left peaceful and comfortable. All the pain and anger you have from the past, her decisions and her blame cannot be resolved by her, only within yourself. She most likely will not recognize where she went wrong or tell you what you want (need) to hear. If you put it aside for now and just focus on what is happening to her right now, spending time with her and coming to terms with saying goodbye, I don't think you will ever regret that.
Pages