last couple of days have been bad
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| Wed, 04-13-2005 - 2:52pm |
Hi guys,
First let me apologize for not being around as much as I should be. The last couple of days have been bad all around.
A lot of little stuff, but the major one is that I got a surprise visit from my mom yesterday. As some of you know via my posts I have not been friendly with my mom, mostly by her choice. She told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore about 4 months ago. Yesterday was the first time I saw her in 4 months....
She was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago. She has had ups and downs with it.... it has spread to her lung, hips and ribs... she also had 5 large tumors on her spine. Apparently the Cancer is pretty bad and back in full force.
She told me that the docs have given her 6 weeks to live. The tumors on her spine are completely covering it and her tumor markers in her blood are at their highest. She came over yesterday to talk about "final" plans. She wants her body donated to science ( one of the local med schools ) so I wouldn't have to worry about a funeral or a casket. She also told me some other stuff.....
I guess I just figured she would outlive us all. I am pretty sad about it and can't talk about it. I feel cold and bad that she and I have not gotten along in so long. When she would lash out at me I would lash back and I admit I have said some rotten things. She has a drinking problem and I told her unless she stops that I would not see her again and she could not be around my kids.
AHHHHHH, I just feel lost. Numb almost. My family has completely broken apart over the last almost 2 years. My dad moved to Virginia and they are technically still married, even though he has a girlfriend and is living happily ever after. My mom hasn't talked to her family in YEARS, I am all that she has.
I sent my father an email this morning, about mom, he said " I had no idea she was that bad off " well DUH! that's because you haven't talked to her in a year.
I guess I am just sad. I feel crappy about my family and my mom. She said to me "why bother with a funeral no one would come anyway"
What a mess.
As soon as I figure out what is happening, I will be back in full force. I still check and post where needed, but I don't initiate posts anymore--- like I should.
Take care and I will see you on the boards :)


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Sounds like time is so short now, I say spend all the time you can with her and do your best to help her leave the world without resentments. I know if I were in your shoes, I would have enormous regrets if my mom passed away with bitterness between us.
Forgiveness benefits the forgiver, not the forgiven.
Hatred is a poison that destroys the vessel that contains it.
Prayers to your family...
Oh Honey, (((BIG HUGS)))
Can I just say that I LOVE these boards.
I have shelled out a lot of advice over the years and I am so happy to have been able to be on the receiving end.
You guys have been so great. THank you for not thinking badly of me because of my past with my mother. Thank you guys for all the wonderful advice.
Things will be ok. I will work on a way to get mom to see the kids ( and me )
Thank you all so much :)
Thank you so much :)
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