the last thread of hope?
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the last thread of hope?
| Fri, 08-11-2006 - 8:56pm |
My daughter called me tonight. I have resisted telling either of my two girls (16 & 19) anything about the process my wife and I are going through. On the other hand, my wife constantly using the kids to make me feel guilty and to make me look bad in their eyes.
My wife and her family have spread such lies about me. And I know if I defend myself I only drag my kids into a place that is not good for them...
I am lonely... depressed... and now everything that was important to me seems lost.

Your girls are old though, essentially adults. They should be able to know from experience what is true and what isn't regardless of what your wife says...Ok, for the most part.
We have/had a situation with my stbx...he has a 7 yr old from a prior marriage, and his ex continually makes things up about the father, also makes false CPS reports, tells the child his father is a liar, even about the things the child KNOWS are correct.
However, he's 7, and he knows his mom has problems and he feels that he has to protect her and take care of her.
All I can say is that I have a sense of what you are feeling/ going through, having seen my husband suffer with this. I know what pain he has experienced and how much he still has left to fight. (See, his ex, keeps bringing up new unfounded court cases one after another...about 2 per year).
You do, hopefully, have the benefit of a longer history with your girls (my husband was separated when his son was 1 yr old), and the benefit of their age at this time.
Good luck to you.
I COMMEND you for sticking to the basics and not telling your kids the details.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
This is one of the most difficult things I have ever been through. I am tired and lonely (and horny... but I won't get graphic... I promise).
What kills me is my wife's ability to put everything aside... even the mental health of our children... over money. If my situation weren't so dire, I would simply let her have it all. But I can't. If I don't take care of myself now, I very well may be in some serious trouble later. Besides... I am asking for less than half.
Her idea of fair is that I get all the debt and she gets all the assets. Funny... that's how our marriage worked too.
OMG! You married my ex-wife.
Her name was Deb. I called her version of finances "Deb-anomics" -- what mine is mine, and what's yours is mine, and you assume all of the debt. I drained the estates of my father and mother to support her kids and maintain her assets. I supported her while she got her PhD. I DID the lions share of technical work for her PhD, and never even got a mention. (Plagerism is rampant at The Ohio State University in Bio Medical Engineering!)
During the divorce, it became obvious that she had been moving money around via the kids to hide cash, stocks, bonds, et al, as assets of the marriage.
My ex accussed me of both physically and sexually abusing her and the kids. Where I reside, in Columbus OH, the accusuation is sufficient to put the "man" in the losing side of divorce and custody. The judge eventually pointed out that my ex was lying, but there was no recourse. So I was on the losing end the entire way through the divorce. I had to fight just to get minimal visitation. My step daughters will still not talk to me because their mother has them convinced that I abused them.
I'm still a bit bitter about the outcome.
During the marriage, we were constantly in counceling. I eventually got help for cronic depression. My ex is manic and bi-polar, but she was never willing to address her issues. So when the divorce came around, I was the bad guy bacause I was seeking help with a councelor and taking prescription drugs to deal with depression. But because she was not, she portrayed herself as the more mentally healthy person. And the courts went along with it.
I feel your pain, and there's just not a whole hell of a lot you can do. Stay in there. Don't do anything illegal or even questionable. Stay sober!!! Be a good father to your children.
Good Luck and stay in touch.
I'm amazed at how many selfish people there actually are in the world. My sweetie's XW had that mentality, too! She wanted him to pay her for all the equity in the house, split the savings with her 50/50, and assume the massive credit card debt that they had accumulated trying to make her happy during the marriage. I remember him telling me about the look the mediator gave her when she laid THAT deal out on the table. What she ended up with was 50% of the savings and half the equity in the house MINUS her half of the debt. He paid her 20% of that total when he refinanced to get her off the mortgage and the rest is paid in installments as alimony. What a break for him! He gets to deduct it and she has to pay taxes on it!!
Definitely stick to your guns. Unless you just roll over and sign papers, I doubt there's a judge or mediator alive who would give her everything and you nothing!!!
And while the moral high road is a hard one to walk on, it's worth the journey. Our kids figure things out in the end! They're all pretty smart.
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie