The Latest Development

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
The Latest Development
17
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 12:06pm

We are suppose to sign our seperation agreement on Friday but today I got a text message from my stbx that says, "if u need to call me then u have to call "my sister in law" 2 get me no more games".

As far as I'm concerned that is a game. He wants me to contact him through the same woman who threatened to morgage her house to get an attorney to take custody of our daughter from me. This is the same woman that said I wasn't even allowed to email her pictures of my daughter...and now I'm suppose to contact my stbx through her?!

What would/could an attorney say or do about this? Does this warrant sole custody?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 2:46pm

justmee06...

Pianoguy suggests you by-pass "sis" and consult with a lawyer or divorce specialist. You're looking for answers that PG (and most ivillagers) can't provide.

It's clear that your stbx wants things ACCORDING TO HIS TERMS! When you've got a legal advisor telling him to "knock it off and grow up"---this carries a little more weight? His or her presence might also "silence" sister in law?

When a husband and wife can't amicably work things out on their own...it's usually necessary to bring in someone who can?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 3:30pm
Thanks for your input.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 5:13pm


DEFINITELY show that to your lawyer. He can't just arbitrarily decide how the two of you are going to have contact. Contrary to what he might think, he doesn't get to call all the shots. In the mean time, can you contact him via e-mail? That way, you'll have a written record of exchanges. Also, if your e-mail program allows you to mark the messages so you know he's read them, do that, too. If he chooses not to respond, and least you'll know he saw it.



One parent refusing to cooperate can certainly impact custody arrangements. So make sure you keep that text message!


Other than that, how are your new living arrangements going?




How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 7:37am

Conditional disagreement here -- in a divorce, a divorcing spouse CAN refuse to deal directly with the other person. They can require that person to deal directly with their attorney or with another reasonable person.

In my own divorce, I didn't deal directly with my ex because he was a domineering bully when we married, and I knew he'd just bully me more in the divorce. I needed to have NO CONTACT with him for my own peace of mind. This is particularly necessary when one partner has a hot temper, or if one partner has a substance abuse or mental problem, etc.

It won't affect custody as long as you are reasonable. His request that the two of you don't directly deal with each other is reasonable -- however, his insistence on HIS SISTER IN LAW, as opposed to someone else as intermediary, is unreasonable.

I'd tell him you really don't want to get dragged into fights with him either -- but he needs to pick a more acceptable intermediary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 8:23am


Oh, absolutely! But her STBX doesn't get to decide all on his own who that will be. She gets some input as well.



My point exactly! That was the point of the post. If they have to have contact through an intermediary, fine. BUT...it has to be a neutral party, not someone that has threatened her in the past.


Also, you are right. As long as both parties are reasonable and agreeable, it will not impact custody. HOWEVER...if

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:48pm

I'm not sure if it warrants sole custody, but it definitely shows that he's unwilling to even speak to you, and when you have a child.... it's imperative that you be able to talk to each other... without having to put someone else in the middle to rely on to communicate, mediate


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 4:08pm

I'm finding it hard to believe that you're the victim here.

I've gone through a divorce and I know that it takes two to tango.

I'm not feeling sorry for you. If he chooses to go through his sister-in-law, that is what he chooses to do. He's pushing you away for a reason. Maybe you should stop trying so hard?

Everything your former spouse has done isn't illegal in any manner. If he wants no contact with you, it's for a reason.

My ex-husband and I are on those terms: he doesn't contact me unless it's through a median. I had to take extreme measures because he was what you could call a "lunatic;" constantly making up things about our child and other various things I'd rather not discuss.

I think you're having a difficult time dealing with this divorce. It's easy to blame the other person for things, but you will learn that if you accept blame for certain aspects of the relationship then you'll be a lot happier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 4:28pm

Hi classynottrashy!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 4:44pm

Thanks for all the input. The best advice I have received here is to "strike while the iron is hot" and I sure wish I would have. My stbx is saying he won't sign the sep. agreement now and tomorrow was suppose to be the day, just lovely.

I do feel that I have let my emotions direct some of my comments towards my stbx and this may be what has put him over the edge. I find it hard to communicate with him right now, regardless whose best interest it is in. Rumors are going around that his gf is pregnant...that's realy charging my emotions right now to be honest.

The first week of February we were graduating from the county adopting/foster parent program with intentions to adopt and the second week of February he asked for a divorce and confessed to starting a relationship with a co-worker whose child I took care of. A big slap in the face to say the least.

I've come a long way in this process and each day I continue to get closer to closing this chapter of my life. I am still fighting to make him care about our daughter and once I can get it through my head that it's not my job to do that I think my stress will lessen.

Thanks for all the feedback.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 4:54pm

Don't forget.... we're here to listen to those emotionally directed comments about your STBX!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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