In-Laws contribute to marriage downfall?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
In-Laws contribute to marriage downfall?
2
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 1:54pm

I feel that two main problems we had in our M were his mother and sister. For some reason they resented me, hated me...whatever. I was a really good wife too. Always nice to them as well. I took good care of him, let him do and have just about anything he wanted, boats, dirt bike, tons of electronic toys, etc. They were a problem from day one, but especially during the last several years of our marriage I was sooooo unhappy, and unfortunately I gain weight. That made me an easy target for them. For instance, my MIL called me one day to let me know Oprah was having a special on obesity and maybe I should watch it. Things like that, which were really hurtful. Lots of fat jokes. And unfortunatly I was really bad at sticking up for myself and so I expected him to do it...but he never would. He claimed that he did not want to get in the middle, which made me feel worse. Can anyone relate?

Vanessa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 3:07pm

I cant relate to it being the reason my marriage failed, but I will say that he and I had our first relationship problems because of his mother.


His mother moved in with us after being evicted from his sisters house. She had been evicted from her apartment before that and because we had a baby and bro and sis were single, they had more room. Well it got to be too much for them to handle so she moved in with us.


It was HORRIBLE. She would get on my case about things in my house. I had to work during the afternoon/evening and she watched our son until XH came home from work. She made it SO unbearable to live in my own house, taking over our son's bedroom, leaving our son to sleep in his baby swing in the living room for 10 months, not contributing financially, got arrested for writing bad checks and the cops came ( COMPLETE SHOCK to us as this was out of character for her ), taking her verbal abuse saying that all I did was eat even though I was cleaning the house after her and my H and son. She finally got a job that paid WAY more than my XH was making at the time and didn't contribute a penny, the list goes on. I had LOTS of fights with her over her slamming the door, smoking 3+ packs A DAY in that small apartment making everything foggy and yellow and stinking, she didn't think I was good enough for her son and she voiced it quite a bit. It made it so hard that finally our landlords kicked her out.


Then she got her own place, only to be evicted again. This time she lived in shelters and was constantly over at our house during the day, stealing pop cans and cigarettes from XH. She would leave such a mess while we were at work that I HATED coming home sometimes. She then got another apartment of which she was later evicted from, again ending up at our house at all hours then she was living in

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 7:13pm

yes, in laws can absolutely create havoc. she couldn't understand why we wouldn't let her sleep over on our wedding night! she criticized any of our decorating. we both worked and his parents wanted to spend every weekend with us -- we let them come down once a month - this wasn't enough for them. they consulted a lawyer about grandparents rights??? once at our house, it was endless criticism: i couldn't change the babies' diapers right - i used to many wipes. once she actually checked for dust on the living room shelves! she didn't like my cooking. i didn't feed my babies enough! and it goes on. luckily, my then husband agreed with me in the beginning, but it was so stressful. she is a nightmare. now, we are divorced and she wants to come here and see the kids. fine she can see them, but she won't get into the house. i meet her out at the car and conversation is is held to what time she's bringing them back. that's it. the kids are still small and they love her (so far) so i won't deprive them.

when the marriage was going to hell, he suddenly could only find fault with me -- not with the fact that his mother would call us at 4:00 in the morning complaining about his brother. so, she didn't help the situation.