Left But Reconsidering...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009
Left But Reconsidering...
1
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 11:34am

After dealing with my husband’s emotional affairs for 18 months, I’d finally had enough and left.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 12:23pm

Hi,

The value of separation is twofold: You get out of the frying pan for a while and away from the heat. So, you have some breathing room. This is valuable because you have space from the immediate stressor and can see things more objectively. The other value is separation can give you time to decide what to do. In your case, this is complicated by the new love interest, but this doesn't surprise me at all given how rejected people feel when they separate.

So here's my two cents:

1)If you really want to give your marriage a second chance there are some ground rules for both you and your husband.

First, neither one of you can see anyone else. That means that he can't play around and you have to stop seeing the guy you've fallen for since leaving your marriage. Easy? No. Necessary for any chance at reconciliation with your husband? Yes. Absolutely, yes.

You are involved in a "rebound relationship" as it's known in the divorce venacular. This is the relationship one has fresh from rejection and fearful they won't be attractive to anyone again. They can work but I'll warn you that honeymoon will end as surely as it did with your husband - especially if you don't do the work on yourself to understand why your first marriage failed AND your contribution to that end.