Legal Sep or D Confused!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
Legal Sep or D Confused!
10
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 7:22pm
I am so confused. I don't know if a legal sep would be better or just go for the divorce.
Part of me really just wants it all done and over. Then I will do what I need to do.
Any advantages to a legal sep other than I can remain on medical and auto? (I think auto I have to check) There will be no reconciliation. It will eventually be a divorce. I don;t want to go thru all of this legal stuff 2x. I am in mediation right now. The sep is suppose dto give me a chance to get on my feet while still maintaining benefits etc..My H is excited about the thought. I am 50-50
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 8:35pm
How much would you save by staying on his benefits? I could cost you thousands to go through the legal process twice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 8:44pm
Doesnt it depend on where you live? In NY No contest divorces you HAVE to be separated for one year.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 8:51pm

Yes it's different everywhere. I life in PA and we don't have legal separation. There are two options, you either agree to divorce and there is a 90 day waiting period from the date you file or one person does not agree and you have to wait 2 years from when you separated.

I don't know about all other states (I think the OP is in NJ), but I do know it varies from place to place.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 8:55pm

If he is a controller who will not honor anything you two negotiate, then beware of spending a lot of money on a mediator. It may be a total waste of time and money, and allow your husband to delay the start of any CS or splitting marital assets. If prolonging the process is his goal, then you need to figure out why.

Are you very ill or uninsurable? Have you actually checked to see what kind of medical coverage you can obtain/afford? Have you asked what the COBRA payments would be if you wanted to stay with your current insurer? Do the legwork, so you have all the information you need to make a good decision. You DO need to know if paying for a Separation Agreement and later paying for a divorce is going to cost you ten times what you would have paid for your insurance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 12:57pm
yes this is true,,and if you live in Pa,,dont expect the D to be a quick one,,stbx filed Nov 2003 and its now July 2005 and it still is not over with.. all I keep doing it paying my lawyer,,for what I dont know...:(

"I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough".


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 1:06pm
Do you have lots of unresolved issues that is causing it to take that long? Mine took about 9 months (I am in PA). We had a couple months of going back and forth on the wording of the initial agremeent, then it was filed and there was a 90 day waiting period, then we finalized the agreement and filed that, and there was a 20 day waiting period and the judge took a couple months to get to it. I know in PA if one person contests it it can take 2 years from the date of separation, otherwise it's just disagreements that will drag the process out. Is that what you are dealing with?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 3:12pm

hi first;


Yea we are at a stand still because the stbx does not want to pay the amount of alimoney the court decided on and also he only want to pay for x amount of time. so a master needs to be brought in,,so I either shell out $700 for the master ,which I refuse to do not matter how bad I want this over with,and I cant afford it..or we wait for him(sbtx)to suck up and pay for the master.. which considering the amount he is paying me in alimoney,I am surprised he has not gotten a master already..he the stbx seems to think with a master ,he will get the amount reduced..but considering its based on income,,and he makes alot more then I do,,I dont see how the amount will change...


I think maybe the stbx is pre occupied with his new g/f.. its ok for him to go on with his life,,but I just have to sit on my hands and wait before I can move on with mine.


One thing my lawyer said to me.."when your going thru a divorce you throw out all fairness and logic .."


"I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough".


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 3:15pm
one thing I forgot,when this D first started I told my stbx that I would be fair and not resort to acting like an a hole, and act like an adult...,I guess I should of asked him if he would do the same,,but i see now,he is showing his true colors....once and a hole always an a hole..

"I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough".


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 4:55pm

>>>One thing my lawyer said to me.."when your going thru a divorce you throw out all fairness and logic .."<<<

And unfortunately many attorney's hope for this because it makes them lots of $$$.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 5:07pm
you have that right!! I think even if my lawyer has a thought pertaning to my case,I am charged for it...

"I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough".