legal separation or divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
legal separation or divorce
2
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 9:33pm
hi i am new to this board and have never posted before..i want to know if anybody has filed for legal separation instead of divorce, initially. my h and i have been living in different residences for 1 yr. he would come home for half of the week, his days off and live 1 hour away the other half. he is in law enforcement and works 12-14 hour shifts, nights. but the longer we did this the more i realize that it will be hard to adjust to him full time. we had issues of course and thats why we separated. his career choice has taken its toll on him mentally and physically he has over 23 years at his job and he will be 50 this year. the psychological toll is what has me worried. I realize at this point we will probably be better off as friends one day and that a harmonious husband/wife we will never be. he is much nicer, not verbally abusive or explosive and a better father when we are separated. i am nervous to file for divorce, i think maybe a legal separation would soften the blow and he won't freak out. or it could be that we are both catholic. any thoughts or comments will be greatly appreciated, i have a strong extended family and good friends but i don't fee anyone would understand my hesitation thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 10:39pm

Different states have different laws, all of which can be found on line. However, I live in Wisconsin, and the distinction btn LS and divorce was difficult to find. My STBX are legally separating because that way, he can be retained on my health insurance. (Yeah, I know, I shouldn't care, but if he has to get his own, that's just more money dumped into the proverbial rat hole that could be spent on the kids.)

In my state, everything happens in a LS as a divorce except that we are still married at the end. This just means that we cannot marry anyone else until we officially divorce, which can happen any time during the first year after if we both agree, or any time after the first year if only one wants the divorce. Otherwise, all of the separation of assets, custody, etc. issues are resolved as tho it were a divorce.

I read the laws and used free workshops put on by our county family court so that I could wait and hire an attorney at the end (now) to save money. In some states, like mine, you can go without attorneys, but they advise against it if there are kids or a house or other large assets.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 7:14am
I am also doing a legal sep. My husband walked out on me and our 9 month old becuase he felt like we had nothing in commen any more (translation-I can't handle the responsibility). In NY you need grounds for divorce and we had none. So what you do is a sep. for a year and then you can file under living apart for 1 year. We haven't signed yet and he has since found a young silly girl that has just left her husband to cling to. Since he couldn't tuck tail and move in with family, he moved in with her. So since we aren't even legally separated, I could now file for a divorce. I have chosen for now to go with the sep. When I am emotionally ready to file I will, or wait out the year and let him do it. I just decided to take it slow and wait until my heart is at peace. It's hard to have a baby and think you are going to have a family and then it is just snuffed from you overnight. It's the dream I am learning how to let go of, not the man.