Let's do it: Make your divorce document

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Let's do it: Make your divorce document
7
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 1:26pm

From Mealnie's suggestion and my previous post, everyone have fun and make their own version of what they would like to serve their ex/STBX/husband. Of coarse I would never do this, but it's fun to pretend...

Mine would be on letterhead that says:

"FROM THE LAW OFFICES OF (MY NAME), FAITHFUL WIFE"

YOU, (MY STBX'S NAME)ARE A CHEATING TURD AND P.S. THE PROPECIA YOU HAVE BEEN SPENDING HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS ON IS NOT HELPING YOUR BALD SPOT. YOU, BY LAW OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA, WILL ALWAYS BE CHASED BY YOUR LYING DEMONS BECASUE YOU ARE SUCH A PIECE OF CRAP. BY LAW YOU MUST GET A LARGE TATOO ON YOUR BACK THAT STATES, "I AM A LIAR AND A CHEATER" BY MARCH 31ST, 2006 OR YOU WILL BE ARRESTED. THIS IS ALSO THE SAME HAIRY BACK THAT YOUR SWEET, FAITHFUL WIFE WAXED FOR YOU, EVEN WHILE YOU WERE CHEATING ON HER, WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE. THE DMV WILL ISSUE YOU NEW LICENSE PLATES THAT READ "LIAR&CHTR". THE LAW ALSO STATES THAT YOU NEED TO SIGN THIS DOCUMENT FOR YOUR DIVORCE TO BE FINAL.

and I would have it served to him by someone he doesn't know at his work!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 2:47pm

Ohmygod! I'm still laughing- copy the papers and substitute CT for CA. We sign our real papers on Wed. so this post really hit home. Take care.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2005
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 4:57pm
I can't think of anything else to add to your post! I agree with Laura change it from CA to CT. I might add to it that you won't be coming back to CT to divorce my a$$, I've already served you, idiot!
Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:49pm

Thanks for the idea! This was fun!

FROM THE LAW OFFICES OF (MY NAME), FAITHFUL WIFE WHO BORE TWO GORGOUS AND EXTREMELY INTELIGENT CHILDREN WITH VERY LITTLE HELP FROM YOU”

YOU, (MY STBX'S NAME) ARE A CHEATING TURD. NONE OF THE HOURS YOU HAVE SPENT “RUNNING” HAVE HELPED CONTROL YOUR FAST FOOD GUT FROM ERUPTING OUT OF THOSE JEANS. TRUST ME; IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE YOU WORE A 32”. YES, IT’S TRUE YOU DO HAVE HAIR, BUT IT’S ALL GRAY AND YOU DON’T LOOK MATURE OR DISTINGUISHED. YOU, BY LAW OF SMALLTOWN, USA ARE FREE TO FOLLOW THOSE APRON STRINGS BACK TO YOUR MOMMY WHO HAS BEEN WAITING FOR YOU AND YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY. BY LAW YOU MUST GET A LARGE TATOO ON YOUR BACK THAT STATES, "I AM A SUCKER FOR DAMSELS IN DISTRESS UNDER THE AGE OF 21" BY MARCH 31ST, 2006 OR YOU WILL BE ARRESTED. THE DMV WILL ISSUE YOU NEW LICENSE PLATES THAT READ "DRWNGinDEBT" TO HELP WARN UNSUSPECTING BREADWINNING WOMEN FROM INGNORANTLY SUPPORTING YOUR SORRY A** WHILE YOU QUIT YOUR JOB-AGAIN, GO BACK TO SCHOOL TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAM – AGAIN, AND CHEAT WITH BEFORE MENTIONED DAMSELS IN DISTRESS. THE LAW ALSO STATES THAT YOU NEED TO SIGN THIS DOCUMENT FOR YOUR DIVORCE TO BE FINAL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 4:02pm

You guys can be my legal council anyday!

In fact, I think you may have a bright future at Hallmark, or a flower shop. How about we get someone to deliver dead, stinky roses to the STBX's and then you guys can write the cards?!!!

Something like "In the rose garden of my life, you are the manure"!!!

LOL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 8:28pm
I love it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 10:33am

FROM THE LAW OFFICES OF SK1960 AND SON
(yeah, i know you thought that neither of us would ever amount to anything, but there you go)

whereby, you are a big fat lump of potato couchiness

and whereby, you are the biggest liar that this earth has ever seen

and whereby, you are the one person in the the world who has spent the most money on self-help books and especially self help tapes, and you are also the number one buyer of junk food, after making your wife make you healthy meal after meal

and whereby, you are the bigget and most disgusting slob. your slobbiness includes not flushing toilets and dribbling all over the toilet and the bathroom floor, so that when your wife wakes up in the middle of the night to go to said bathroom she encounteres your, ummm, leftovers

and whereby, at the age of 55 you are still blaming your mother for all your mistakes and problems

therefore, in the power vested in me by the State of Israel, i hereby sentence you to :
1. 12 months of Ms. manners training
2. 2 years of cooking lessons
3. 5 years of toilet flushing training
4. 20 years of learning to take responsibility for your own problems

furthermore, you will carry a card that says "i lie as easily as i breath" with "i will argue about anything for the sake of argument" on the other side. you will carry another card which says " i am addicted to tranqulizers even tho i can't admit it".

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 1:20pm

Okay this one also needed some thought to put into it before I posted...

From the law offices of: Melanie your former loving wife and cheerleader for all you did

You, X are a low life. You spent many years trying to get your wife to agree that you are a loser and you have finally succeeded. You have been found guilty of trying to cheat, withholding love from your family, ignoring your children, issuing false promises and refusing to work. You now must put your ex wife through college as promised, call your children at least once a week, pay your child support on time, get a job in the field your ex wife put you through school for and admit that you took advantage of a good situation for nearly 17 years. You must come clean to your new girlfriend that you are paralyzed in fear that people who laugh in a room you are in are lauging at you, that you are terrified that your privates are too small and that you have premature ejaculation - even if she promises you are just fine. You also must solumnly swear to continue therapy and stay heavily medicated and the next time you threaten to commit suicide must be the LAST AND FINAL TIME. As much as nobody really wants you dead, you legally are no longer allowed to keep anyone walking on eggshells to keep you alive.

I sound a little bitter, don't I? LOL! I guess that's what happens from living in coo coo land with my ex for so long.

Melanie