THE LETTER
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THE LETTER
| Fri, 12-08-2006 - 10:13am |
I need to know what you all think...I have written my ex husband a letter and I wonder if I should send it? It's not a bad letter. It has questions in it about why he left and why he did the things that he has. I also explained to him my feelings that I have about our whole divorce and about the girl he left for. I was thinking that by sending it that maybe I could let him know that it's not all about him and that maybe I could get past some of the issues that I have and am so tired of thinking about. What do you think?

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robin12006--
Pianoguy thinks it's your 'attempt to get some form of closure?'
You may have put your thoughts on paper, but expecting a response from the EX may or may not happen?
Before you mail it...put yourself in your EX's place. You are with a new partner who obviously is making your life happier. How would you feel if an EX sent you a document detailing the good and bad stuff connected with a relationship that no longer exists?
Unless you're desiring some form of closure for yourself...I'd give this a 2nd thought before you put a stamp on the letter!
Pianoguy
I completely understand your need for closure or explaination. BUT..... do you think he'll understand that? Do you think that he'll realize the hurt he caused you and truly feel sorry for it or be able to give you any sort of explaination? I highly doubt it. Those people who think life is all about them will never get it. My XH still thinks that it's all about him and the kids have to fall in behind.
You just can't hit anyone over the head with a brick to make them see your point. The letter is written. Write another one. And another one. Put them all in a box and read them in a coupel years when you're feeling better about your life. Or throw them all away. Sending it will only give him power over you in that he'll be able to say "See? She is dependent on me. She's nothing without me. I'm superior."
Don't give him any more power than he already has. The best revenge is living well!
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
Hello Robin...
I would put the letter aside, and read it in a week. Then, if it still ringed true and right, I would send it - not for him! that is a wasted effort, but for me, to get it off my chest, to know I did it.
It may then be easier to move on (and upwards!!! ). It is normal to be dragged back in the emotional turmoil of a divorce now and then, but with time it gets smoother and one day one wakes up and realizes it has been weeks since last time we even thought about it!!! any step in that direction, is a good step.
I know how you feel. Its been a year, time has past so quickly, and it seem like yesterday. Don't send the letter, you may just end up getting hurt all over again. My husband made his choice to leave, and blames me for him not being happy in the marriage.
We both are to blame. We just grew apart. I will not let myself think that it was all my fault. This year has been so sad, to much arguing, the divorce,so much stress. The hurting is a everyday feeling. Just have to be strong.
I do love my husband, how can I not. He was my first love,we were together for 16 years. I don't understand how he can just leave the way he did. I have cried to him to many times, and I am not going to do that anymore to myself. Sometimes I do really dislike him for what he has done, and thats when I become stronger.
Don't keep your self down. Maybe its for the best. There will be happy days again. We have to believe in that. A new year is coming. I wish you the best.
You can email me anytime.
Robin,
I'm there too! I've been going to counseling and it really has made a difference in how I look at my husband and how I feel about myself.
I wouldn't send the letter and agree that it will give him more power over you. This is also a way that he's still controlling you. Make a clean break from him with no contact at all. After you do this it will help you to heal and to restore your sense of worth. Small steps add up to leaps. Good luck.
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