letting it all get to me
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letting it all get to me
| Fri, 04-29-2005 - 10:46pm |
I had to go back and read my firts post from two weeks ago when I found out my husband was seeing someone else to try and find some strength. I use the word husband because this is a man who won't even acknowledge and sign the divorce papers I delivered to him ,but he will continue to see this OW and sleep with her and whatever else. I know I sound angry but I just can't keep that anger long enough to get over it. He was still calling me at least 5-7 times a day, just to make conversation, trying to keep tabs on me. I had a weak moment and asked him to come to counseling with me for us to see if we could make it work, i said everything, professed my love for him, practically begging. He wanted to go to counseling in the winter but I said no, and he thinks that now it is only becasue he is with someone that makes him happy and that I am jealous and want to go. He said he would go to help me get through this but not to help the marriage, he doesn't want to risk losing the nice girl he has now. I swear, I feel foolish to think about it now and I just wonder how many others girls on this board have done the same thing. I dont' want him the way he is, really i know that. If he could change and put me and the kids first in his life of course I would want him. But I realized I have been asking for that for years, and it never happened. I am now in therapy and trying to deal with my grief because I am so very tired of crying about all this and sometimes talking about it too. If find myself having to talk about it daily with my mom or sister and I mean my long distance bill is going to be huge! So, anyways I dont' really know what I am trying to say, but I just so want to move on with my life. My stomach hurts when I have to talk to him and I hear him saying things that I know she is telling him to say. Anyways, I know it is the right thing to do to move on, and let go. I just didn't want to let go and now I have to. It hurts...more than I thoguth it would. So thank you to everyone on these boards you all provide such great inspiration!

Oh honey you sound so sad.
I am so sorry i didn't see this sooner.
You have GOT TO take care of YOU. We all go through this in the beginning phases of our separation and divorce.
You have to decide if you want "him" or if you want the man you married. If all of this has happened, he isn't the man you married anymore. He is with someone else and yes things will be VERY hard for you. I have lived this for almost 2 years now. It is SO HARD. My X used to say that he wanted to work things out, be friends and then date and he used to call me and tell me he wanted to leave "her" and he wanted to talk to me, called me numerous times a day, ugh, I remember that time in my life and it stunk!
The problem? They do that so they don't have to see us cry and they don't have to hear us be sad. Its a benefit to THEM to not have to deal with us sad. Your X is being selfish. He left you for another woman, didn't care about how you felt and didn't care about what he would lose. He just cared about the TEMPORARY happiness he could get from his OW. The phase will wear off and whether its in 1 month or 10 years, it will happen. Then what? HE will lose. Not you.
If you start taking care of YOU right now you will come out on top. It is SO important.
If you need a cheerleader and you need someone to talk to, email me. I am always available. foster_angelena@yahoo.com
Hugs to you sweetie,
Angelena
You are not alone. We all go through this, wanting to have the "Family", the "Dreams of Happily Ever After". I've been up and down with my ex and getting sick. Because somehow I still believed in him, in us, why, because the jerk kept telling me it wouldnt work "right now" etc. But you know what he is just a Liar and User. He is with a 20yr old now, has her around our 2yr old son and she is a real B@#$h. They both are because when she's around he disrespects me like you would not believe and behind her back, wants to hug and kiss goodbye. A real dog!
For all the times I tried to get strong and move on with my life it seems like he would sense it and he would come around be nice, sweet, the man I fell in love with so I had hope, then all of a sudden he would change and be a son of a b!@#h. I did the No Contact thing and only lasted a couple of days but it was the best in the world. I did feel better without him in my life. So I will resume that again because it does work believe me.
YOU have to get back to YOU. Loving you. It was so hard for me to let go. But the more I showed him that I loved him and was willing to do whatever to work on rebuilding us the more he treated me like garbage. I thought if I showed him how much I loved him he would change. Girl some people never change.
A wise quote from one of our fellow ivillagers said: " If you settle for less than what you want, you'll end up with less than what you settled for".
It is so true. I know its hard to accept that all your dreams wont happen. But all it means is they wont happen with this particular person. You must believe that there is something bigger and better for you. Trust in God that it will and can happen.
Another quote that might help is " You are grieving for the man you started with, not the man you parted with, you are grieving all the hopes, dreams, and expectations".
Hang in there, we are are here if you need us.