Life isn't fair!
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| Wed, 07-06-2005 - 1:20am |
Hi, I am a new member and I am recently divorced. It's been AWEFUL! I had NO idea my husband was cheating on me and it hit me like a brick on June 30, 2004. I tried to make things work with him, he lived here for 2 1/2 month and we went through counseling but he wasn't trying, he was still seeing this woman he'd been with for 2 years. I worshipped him, I loved him with all of my heart but I didn't know the REAL him at all. My divorce was VERY VERY ugly and final on June 24, 2005. He now blames me for everything bad that happens to him and we cannot even talk about anything without him yelling and calling me every name imaginable. We have 3 beautiful children to which I have full custody, he is an alcoholic and smokes pot. He only sees or calls them when it's convienent for him and he can't understand why they act as though they HATE him.
I guess the hardest thing now is just taking care of everything, I am the Mom and the Dad and all the chores that go along with those roles, I was forced to get a full time job when we always agreed together it was best I worked part-time and took care of the kids. I love my job, my kids, my home, etc...but I find myself feeling resentful and full of anger to the point of crying while I am mowing the lawn, it's not fair. I need help raising these children darn it! Life isn't fair and most of the time I just move on but when that bitterness gets to me its overwhelming. He lied on his taxes so he would have to give me as much money as I asked for and I was being very fair! The kids and I are BROKE and on food stamps and he goes off for a 4 day vacation. UGH!
Thanks for reading this, Nancy

Hi there,
Hugs to you. Your feelings and story sound so much like mine, the only difference is the 2 years part, I don't know how long he was seeing her before he left. I will probably never know.
I find myself getting mad A LOT. I get mad at myself mostly. It used to happen all the time, I would have to take the kids to the store at 9pm in the snow and feeling like SOMEONE should be helping me. When my daughter was born ( 6 months after he left ) I got up every night alone to feed her, I took care of all of the chores, sorting through his stuff, packing his things, everything... I felt like, it is HIS decision to do what he is doing, WHY am I the one paying for it? I was also forced to get a job after being an at home mom for 2 years. A decision we BOTH made. Ugh. It never makes sense.
BUT, I will tell you this. As frustrated as I get sometimes and as resentful as I get.... I still KNOW that I am the better person. My children give me the respect and love because I TAKE CARE OF THEM EVERYDAY. My 6 year old doesn't even ask about his father anymore. He gets to go every other weekend and sure he is excited when the time comes, but he just doesn't ask anymore unless I tell him he is going. He doesn't want to call him and on father's day, he made my SO a father's day card that said " I love you dad", only because I mentioned it did he give his bio-dad Father's Day cards too. He wanted to give them to my SO!
Eventually, that's how your X will feel. He will get the resentment and he will feel the pain of having his children call someone else daddy or having his children choose not to go to his house. My X HATES that my kids call my SO daddy. But you know what? It's the truth! My SO takes care of them and my daughter only knows my SO as her father. XH left when I was prego with her. That HAS TO HURT. THat is my satisfaction. It's my smile inside. I know they will respect and love me for all I do for them.
So when I get angry and resentful, I take a second and think...... ok, would I rather be doing this or would I rather be in XH's shoes and have to live with leaving my own children behind for a "woman"? And I just know, it will be ok.
Hugs to you and good luck.
Angelena