Life in limbo- I hate this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Life in limbo- I hate this!
5
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 12:57pm

I'm waiting to hear from my attorney (it's been 1 1/2 weeks now). I asked her if we, meaning stbx, his attorney, my attorney, and I, could have a meeting together to try to come up with separtation agreement that way. My husband tells me one thing to my face, then another to his attorney. I'm tired of going back and forth with neither of us agreeing to anything. He did agree to half proceeds on sale of house, though.

I've written before about his agreement proposal- I owe him $5,000 for unequal property division ( he didn't want anything out of the house except his dresser and tools!), CS reduced on shared custody arrangement, he lives 4 hrs away- he moved- wants kids 3 wkends/ month and 6 wks in summer. I can't afford gas to meet him 1/2 way that much! He also wants 1/2 my retirement (I'm the only one who worked solid during our marriage!).

I am so angry!! I am so beaten up!! I feel like.... well... I lost my husband, my best friend, my family, losing my home because I can't afford to buy him out and maintain it myself, losing my dreams for the future I thought we had, losing income, and losing my retirement!! This is just too much!

When I told my attorney I felt like I got the raw deal in my marriage ( I got thrown away like garbage!), and now I'm worried I'll get the shaft in my divorce. Her response- "Well VA is a community property state and it may not seem fair, but that's the way it is." What!!??!!

Is this really the way things may go? I get thrown away after supporting and loving my husband, being faithful to him. But now I lose more, getting kicked in the gut with each reminder of every loss? I really hope the law doesn't allow this unfairness! I hope I have a good attorney, because now I wonder. I feel like I'm living in limbo because without an agreement I can't move forward in my life. I'm stuck until... until he says so. He got to move on with his life and now he just has to live and wait for a check to come to him courtesy of me!!!

I guess I'm venting, but also wondering if this is really the way it goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 1:17pm

HUGS! I know...sometimes it really, really doesn't seem fair.


Hopefully, your attorney will be able to influence a more favorable settlement for you. Hope for the best, and prepare for the worst.




Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange....


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 8:12pm
Be sure to teach your children. He's not only entitled to half of everything, but if you have been supporting him a court JUST might make you continue doing it after the divorce. It all depends. But sometimes men get alimony, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 8:38pm

Hi:

I haven't been on this board for a while. I am four years out now. Separated for more than a year and then finally divorced.

We have to encourage one another and vent, too. Keep your head up. We have to keep going forward for the kids. If they don't have us....

It takes all I have to smile sometimes (as I am rationing out the food for the week and wearing ski pants and a coat through the long, cold winter) but the kids are so cute and thankfully we are not out on the street. It will get better in some respects. Take heart, it really will.

I have to find something to thank God for everyday to try to keep from turning into a bitter woman.

Thank God I'm divorced because the X is racking up the debts everywhere. Creditors calling here to find him. He pays less that $100 in rent, has no car note, lives with his family and doesn't have to lift a finger or spend a dime. But I am sure he complains about the state mandated child support. (which he is paying, but in the rears, anyway.)

Meanwhile on my meager income I pay the house note, feed the kids, pay the COBRA and settle debts on time. I get off my butt to work three flexible jobs so I can be with my kids. It burns me sometimes, but one day it will be all worth it.

Keep up the fight. I am still struggling with anger too. But it does get better.

Purity

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 12:25pm

Virginia is a community property state? That's news to me, especially since I worked for a law firm a while ago doing domestic law, and I thought Virginia was not a community property state. I agree, it sounds like you got the raw end of the deal, and if you are in Virginia, that doesn't sound right.

Edited to add - thanks, I learn something new every day! I looked up Virginia law and here's what I found, I guess the statutes changed in between the time I worked in the legal field and now:
http://www.vsb.org/publications/brochure/divorce.html

Edited 5/26/2006 12:29 pm ET by crafty1985




Edited 5/26/2006 12:31 pm ET by crafty1985
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 10:04am
Thank you for the web link! My attorney did not offer up "equitable distribution". After reading several sites regarding this, I see that it does not have to be a 50/50 spllit. The judge may award an unequal split. Hopefully, the fact that I have the kids with me will work in my favor. I would like it to be fair as possible, but I certainly don't want to be screwed!
Laura