a life more than 2x a month

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
a life more than 2x a month
5
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 4:32pm

I ran into an old friend who is single and he asked a mutual friend what my current situation is. He explained I am in the middle of getting divorced. So I get an email from the old friend asking if I'd like to have dinner. I said yes. He is nice, funny and cute. I admit it - I'm interested.

Now I am weirded out. I haven't been on a date in about a billion years (okay a little more than a decade).

I guess what I am most unsure about is the kids. I have been very worried that stbx was going to introduce the OW into their lives - even as a casual friend - too soon. Of course he gets 28 days a month from which to choose without having to think about the kids seeing her.

Now that the shoe is on the proverbial other foot - I am feeling a little cheated (no pun intended) out of having a romantic life for myself.

Sure at first, I could go out the two nights a month they are with their dad. I am happy to get a sitter on nights I go out with my friends. But what about date nights? Even if the kids are asleep by the time I get home and I want to invite someone in for a bit - what if they wake up? Am I getting too ahead of myself - how does anyone do this? This partcular guy lives about 45 minutes away so I could go out with him near him (and pay the sitter an hour and a half just to get their and back!)

Or am I just looking for excuses not to get back out there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 3:31pm
I say go for it! Then take it date by date. There is NOTHING wrong with taking time for yourself, your kids will thank you for it!! (Note to self: need to get out more, lol:)
I would say it's *definitely* worth the babysitting money, and I know what you mean about not putting your children in the middle of a new relationship. So don't. If he's worth it at all, he will understand. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 11:30am

My two cents?


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 2:09pm

I totally agree with everything that that has already been said here. You do need to get out and it does wonders for your self esteem to have that kind of attention paid to you. I think it is well worth the paying the babysitter whatever is necessary in order to have that time for you.

I just moved out of our marital home in May and started dating a former co-worker whom I have known quite well for the past 10-14 yrs. I have already realized that I have my girls WAY too much to actually have a life.... I have them 25 days per months whereas STBX has them a maximum of 6! Since I have known my new beau as long as I have our relationship has progressed at a faster rate than it might have had I started dating someone new. As Karen says this s the inevitable transition between "what am I going to do without my babies?" to "Please foster that ever important relationship with your daughters and take them more frequently!"

best of luck to you!

Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 4:48pm
I absolutely agree that you should get out and have a social life, but I think you should wait to introdoce your kids to anyone for a long time, especially since you aren't divorced. As a single mother with children, your home should be a safe place for all of you. Wait to invite someone into your home until you have known him long enough to be certain that he will be a positive influence in the lives of your children. They don't need to see a revolving door of men in your life. If you see the relationship really going somewhere (we're talking months, not days), then think about introducing the kids. If you don't like the interaction, or your bf has second thoughts, at least the only one that gets hurt is you. By allowing your kids to form attachments to men during this vulnerable time during and after divorce of their parents, you'll be risking causing them even more pain.
Go out and have fun, but get a babysitter!

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 10:55am
I've been divorced for 2 years now and have just recently jumped back into the dating scene. My kids (ages 16 and 18) were not OK with it at first. They said little, but the tension was clearly there. A discussion is key and the more they get to know the person, the more open they will be to accepting him in their lives. I read this website the other day www.firstwivesworld.com, a site for divorced women, and there are tons of moms out there just like us who are divorced and dating again. I suggest you check it out and read some of their blogs for tips. It's been really helpful to me. Good luck on whatever it is you choose to do with your children and your situation!