Life update warning very very long....
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 07-21-2006 - 2:44pm |
Okay, it's been a while you're right Karen. I was actually offline for a MONTH because I moved to a rural area and it took me a while to believe there really was just ONE internet provider here. I spent a week looking around making calls and then a few more days waiting to hear from people who all eventually said, "Oh no, we don't have service there...". By the time I figured that out it had been nearly two weeks then a few days for them to get back to me, then to set up the installation etc etc. Yes, things move much slower here in Texas than in Chicago!
So that's the excuse for my disappearance. Other than that, life is good, so so good. It was splendid for that month and even better now that the kids are home. I missed them terribly but also had some major anxiety about their visit with their dad. As much as it pains me to admit it, the troll that was posting to me was right. The kids had a horrible, rotten time. Less than 24 hours after they'd arrived, my ex called me yelling that he wanted to send them back. He then screamed at me when I told him I was on my way to my new house, telling me that I never told him the exact day I was going to move. How interesting that it upset him considering he never told me he and his girlfriend had moved even when we were planning the kids' visit. I only knew because his girlfriend told me! After a pep talk and a brief parenting lesson he said he was ready to try again but within a few days I had my son on the phone hysterical that he wanted to go home. I spoke to ex who told me he "couldn't deal with the kids" and again I gave him parenting advice and he wanted to go on and try. We had several conversations about this and during one of them he told me he wanted the kids to come home early becasue they were driving his gf crazy. I got very snappy with him. I later called back and told him I wanted to have a real talk with him and we had a very good conversation. I actually hung up and felt no anger or resentment toward him. Unfortunately that was short lived. The kids would call me with odd complaints and when I'd ask him what was going on, he'd confirm that they were telling me exactly what was going on. Apparently his sweet girlfriend is a bit more like a Disney wicked step mother than the earth mama she portrayed to me. Her son was given several privledges my children were not, including having rooms he could go in that they were forbidden from entering. In the four room apartment, my kids could go in the kitchen and living room. Of course her son had run of the place, his own room and was allowed access to his mom and my ex's room whenever he pleased. Not so for my kids. I tried to ask her if she felt this was fair and she kept telling me it's her house and she can make whatever rules she wishes. Gee, I wonder why my kids were so miserable and uncooperative while they were there. She later punished my DD and told her she's not allowed to use the computer because she called me too often. That really made me upset because e-mail was one of the ways my DD and I were communicating. It was so awful and I felt like she was punishing me as well now for that conversation we had where we didn't exactly see eye to eye. Honestly, I have no problem with them saying her son's room needs to be for him alone, and I even could understand if they said no kids in the adults' bedroom, but to allow her kid and not mine was just plain unfair. Of course there was a TV, computer and video games in there. It was so so sad. When I asked my ex about it I was told that his GF makes the rules, he just follows them. WOW....
So my kids came back alive and a bit hurt but stronger. They appreciate what they have in their life with me. They tell me they'll never go back and I will not force them. If they choose to make another trip out there, I will allow it though. They're starting to figure out for themselves who their dad really is. He's a spineless worm and he admitted it to me. Just yesterday the kids were talking about how they felt and I said, "It must have been hard to share Dad with GF and Son.". My DS burst into tears and said, "I would have had no problem sharing him with them, but it felt more like they were mad that they had to share him with us!". Poor guy.
As for life here the kids are BEGGING my SO to move in with us. His lease is up soon but we may wait a bit longer. My DD told him she loved him the other night when we tucked them in. It's a very different experience than I'd pictured. I had thought in the future I'd be sitting them down and dealing with tears when I told them Eric would be moving in and/or we'd be getting married. He's a really special man, one that I look forward to growing old with.
Other than that, I got four job offers out of the three I applied for (one came back to me with a different job offer after I turned them down the first time!)!! I'm going to be working at a doctors' office and I'll have health benefits for the first time in a LONG time. I"m very excited and proud of myself. We also got a kitten named Roger yesterday and he's just the sweetest thing. Unfortunately our cat Pekoe doesn't agree yet ;).
I'll be around more I promise!!!
Melanie

wow. so things are looking good for you. I am sad that your kids had to go thru that crapola with their dad. but you handed it well.
good luck on your new job
I am so, so glad you checked in! I figured you were crazy busy with the move.
First, the good stuff! It sounds like your lives are really taking shape in your new home state! Great new house, good job offers, the kids are excited about your SO....it sounds fantastic. Isn't it crazy to think that a handful of years ago we were so miserable in our marriages, and how much many of our lives have changed for the better?
Second.....that "woman" your ex has taken up residence with sounds like an evil....."witch" (ediited for TOS!!). Your poor kids! Also, your ex really does sound like a completely incomptenet dolt. Your kids really are smart and brave...to be able to endure a situation like that for weeks on end takes a lot of fortitude. I'm proud of them. You must be so happy to have them home safe and sound. I can't imagine it was much of a break for you while they were away, since you must have been worried most of the time.
I am REALLY happy to hear that! Maybe we'll be getting some big news from you soon ;)
Wow!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
OMG, Melanie - I'm so sorry your sweet kiddos had to put up with so much crap from that so-called woman.
Hey there Mel...
I'm so sorry that your kids had to put up with all that bull, but at least they're through it now and are back with you... I'm glad that things are coming together for you nicely in your new home state!
*hugs*
Julie
Cupcake,
I am so GLAD you are in a totally different space...I can hear your happiness. I know there are some serious stretches related to the uncomfortable time the kids had with dd, but I can see how as life unfolds and we go forward, actual life experience is what the kids are going to base their understanding of the divorce and of each parent on. How wonderful for your sweet ones that you are there to encourage them and hug them and hold them through the difficult times they must deal with concerning their dad. Hugs; and best wishes!!