Little Vent...
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| Fri, 06-30-2006 - 5:32pm |
Hope you have some get together's planned this Independence Day and get to enjoy family and friends...
Our Custody Trial/final custody orders were finished in the first few days of June. I did not get in the mail anything that said the 'marriage was dissolved' etc; just got the custody orders. I wonder if there is such a thing as a 'divorce certificate' lol? Maybe that is an anachronism and just something you see in the movies? I will call the court clerk after the holiday and see if she can tell me. The CS and whatever amount of spousal support is decided was set for a couple of days later after the custody trial, but again as has been the case so much in the last two years, his lawyers got a delay and two separate dates ... almost a month beyond the end of the custody trial. So we are going along with the same temp order in place for the amount of the cs (which of course is less since we were 50-50 prior to the final court order; so that means the continued arrearage will not be the same as it will be after a full CS amount is put in writing.
I am going forward with the children in easy, baby steps. We are doing summery things and having a bit of fun! I have summer childcare figured out; I am looking for a better job and I am trying to find a less expensive rental. I am going along under the assumption that we just can't depend on him ever paying regular cs nor the spousal spt either. I am just trying to take care of the kids the best I can. If and when there is ever any 'teeth' put into the CS I will put that money in savings. I wonder though why the court would allow him to delay yet again. A two year custody trial is done; there was financial trickery all through the case and enough documentation even without my having a lawyer that the court was able to 'see' what had gone on. I have sole legal and physical; he has eo weekend and a mid week non-overnight visit - pretty much standard for the non-custodial parent.
I want the darned CS hearing to go forward. I asked only for the state mandated formula; I did not press for anything specific on the spousal either; I guess they will use some combination of factors to decide on that since we were married over 10 years. I figure the kids ought to get his support and help; if I can receive anything that will be put away in savings. Before the separate judge who was to do our CS hearing allowed the delay; they said it was a straight calculation hearing for amount to be set.
His lawyer is saying whether he moves later (he tried to sue for sole custody to move the kids to another state by next month...but was completely unsuccessful) remains to be seen; even though a specified month was included in documentation within the custody trial. His lawyer said the court 'must' set the CS based on whatever his local visitation currently is. And then if and when he moves, I must get a lawyer and bring a motion to modify the cs to fit the circumstances at that time.
Fine. Just do it. Why did they allow yet another delay? Why couldn't they just run the numbers and get it on paper and then let us modify it later if that is what I must do... if necessary or if he wants to 'fight' it? He hasn't paid regularly ever during the temp period or ever in full when he did pay.
Now, though he was supposedly hurrying everything up related to the Custody Trial to be able to leave in August; he will not communicate to me if he is going. I care because the visitation is different IF he leaves the one-hundred mile radius. If he moves, then his visitation is different and he gets the whole month of August with the kids. I would like to continue them in the same childcare summer program; but must sign up a month ahead of time to do so. He knows this. I explained it would seem best for the children if they are in the same program for the summer rather than having to make another transition to a different babysitter or childcare provider for the last month.
He is not reasonable and he just won't put their needs before his, even when its a fairly simple thing we are dealing with here...what joy does he get from not telling me if he wants/will be taking them for the month of August or not? They want to know and it will help them to know if they will be going also. It will not make me lose money. I guess I am curious, but don't feel strongly one way or the other. It will not really inconvenience me at all either way except for my concern about how the kids will be affected by having to go to a new babysitter. What does he get out of this by not telling me?
One of my friends has said all along she did not think he was actually leaving the state; that he was just using that as a ploy because he somehow thought it gave him a better chance of getting sole custody. Maybe he is; maybe he isn't. For the kids sake, it would be great if he stayed near enough to be a significant part of their life. I am going to find a little larger, and less expensive place for us to live, probably we will have to move to another town. There is going to be more driving distance involved than the 5 miles we currently do. But we are moving. We are moving our bodies and our minds to another place so that our hearts can have a little space to heal and we can concentrate on life in a way that does not majorly include every little detail of 'the divorce.' In fact, I won't even put quotes around it anymore. Heh.
Hugs to all who are feeling on the low side this weekend. May you find peace and something sweet to look forward to...Annah

"I am going along under the assumption that we just can't depend on him ever"
That is a VERY smart thing to have figured out so early in your divorce process. It took me over a year to finally come to terms with that and swallow my pride and ask others for help. It's made my life so much easier and I've found that I finally am having a life of my own as well!
Like the judge in your case said, your ex is more concerned with punishing you for asking for a divorce than caring for his children. Unfortunately, it is so sad, but true.
Good luck with with looking for a new job and home! I know it can be a stressful process....but no more stressful than what you've endured for over a year.
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