Living Arrangements

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
Living Arrangements
9
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 12:30pm

Hello all,

I'm new to the board. I feel my situation is extreme. I initiated the topic of divorce with my husband. He's now moved out and plans to get his name taken off of our apartment lease soon. The electricity is in his name, and he plans to transfer that service.

I JUST got accepted for a permanent position that I was temping on and make too much money to qualify for any government assistance. All he says that he's going to pay for is our two children's (7 yrs and 9 mos.) childcare. The note on the car is behind - which is now being taken out of my account automatically every week until the end of July! And, the rent is just too much to handle by myself! I'll have to give two months notice, but that's not the end to my problems. When we previously lived in another apartment, we were evicted due to not paying on time. That apartment was in MY name. So, I'll have to clear that before I can qualify for another apartment. He says he doesn't have any money to contribute to expenses (the catch up of the car note or any of May's rent).

Any ideas on how the heck I could create a way to - at least - pay the rent would be great. Because with the start of this new position of which I'm very satisfied with the pay (thank you LORD), there will be a week that I will be missing payment. Thanks in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: chlor
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 1:10pm

hi and welcome

I don't live in the US, so i can only tell you what *I* do in a similar situation:

i figure out what kind of payment plan i CAN handle, and then i speak to the people I have financial obligations to, and try to make some kind of arrangement. undertand, that while the owner of your apartment always has the option of evicting you for non=payment, its not in thier best interest either , in the long run its better for them to have a long-term tenant. so maybe you can pay less rent in the next month or two, and catch up later. but make sure that whatever you committ to - you will actually carry out. same goes for child care, car payments and whatever.

also, i don't know why your stbx is not pulling his weight here - WHO made the decision on how much he is paying in CS and additional payments?

at the same time: take two additional steps to pull yourself OUT of this problem, so that you will, from this point on, NOT ever be in this kind of situation. the first is to start, right now, a savings plan. whatever it is --- 10$ a month, 100$ a month, whatever it is - that money should go into the plan BEFORE everything else. the goal is to have a 3-6 month nest egg so that if you ever need it, it will be there, and that will be one less thing to worry about. now - you are going to say that you can't afford even 10$ a month and i will tell you that you can - you just have to sit down and figure out where your money is going to, and start cutting back. google "the latte factor" and read an article on saving anywhere from 1-2$ a day, to 20-30$ a day. believe me - my salary is very low, and the cost of living in this country is crazy, but even i have managed to do this. it took a great big load off my neck, to know that i do have that 6-month nest egg, because i know that if, for any reason, i lost my job or had to quit or move - i would have SOMETHING to start out with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: chlor
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 9:41pm

Hi there!


He can't just waltz in and have his name "taken off" the lease.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
In reply to: chlor
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 10:38pm

Thank you for your advice! Although, I don't think my leasing office will work with me. Pretty much in my city, if you don't pay the rent by the 5th of the month, it will go to their attorney's office. If you don't pay by two weeks, they'll start proceeding to get you evicted. Unfortunately, I know this process very well. They don't care or can't help you with a difficult situation. They say it's just their procedures.

I'll think of something though. Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
In reply to: chlor
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 10:44pm

Thank you for that advice. I know that you are DEFINITELY right about saving. I don't know if you get the Suze Orman show where you live, but I love that show. She's a financial advisor. It's definitely going to be hard, but you are 100% right. You have to find SOME WAY to put some money away. I mean, my stbx says he'll pay childcare, but the books that I've read all claim that women rarely get the child support/other payments they have won in court. So, I KNOW I'll need a back up plan. I'm resourceful. I'll think of something.

If I could just get through these next few weeks, I will be okay. Which, I know I will. I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. I'm beginning to think that maybe I should have just held back and not admitted to how I think our marriage was a disaster. This is very tough right now.

I just felt like I couldn't take it anymore. He probably would have just gotten us into more financial debt with my new position anyway. I'll figure it out. I'll definitely start saving. Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
In reply to: chlor
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 7:02am
Have you tried speaking to your landlord about the expenses? I don't think you can just take your name off a lease, I think if he signed for a year or whatever, I think he's just as locked in as you are to the stipulations too it, I would speak to your landlord before he gets to him and let him know your circumstances and what he's threatening to do, I wouldn't blindside your landlord like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: chlor
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 8:54am
If you find you don't qualify for free legal services, go to the court house and speak to the clerk. While they can not give you legal advice, they can point you in the right direction regarding filling out forms for child support and temporary alimony. You H can SAY he's going to do a lot of things, but he can get in serious trouble for doing them once you have papers filed. He doesn't get to call all the shots here.




Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange....


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: chlor
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 9:39am
oh look - they DON'T *care* and they DON'T *help* ---- that is not their responsibility and that's not what i meant. the point is ------ if they DO begin evicting processes, it costs them money, they have to send it to their lawyer, it costs them money, and even if they do get the money back eventually, it takes time, AND in the meanwhile they have to get another tenant, make the apartment ready for them etc. so ---- its possible, that they could be convinced not to HELP you but to do this in THEIR OWN best interest. you know - a win-win situation. you can ask - the worst that they can do is say - NO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
In reply to: chlor
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 11:16pm
That IS true. You're right. I won't hold my breathe though. I just had an episode with them last month. What do I have to loose?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
In reply to: chlor
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 11:24pm

My stbx DID discuss with me that he wanted to take his name off the lease. I was like, "okay. If that's what you want to do." In a lot of ways, I just wanted to be away from him. I surely, didn't think he would go the route that he did. And yes, he CLAIMS that he'll pay the daycare, but there are no guarantees.

We recently had our truck repossessed. And as I stated earlier, our other car's note is behind. He kept avoiding calling the financer; so, I finally had to. He also always claimed they wouldn't take partial payments. I thought that was strange behavior. But of course, when I call they automatically offer this option.

I'm aware of how important credit is. In fact, I seek positions in the credit industry. I don't think he knows or cares about that. I am just trying to not mess up my credit any further.

I'm trying to stay positive through this rough time.