living together still and divorcing

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
living together still and divorcing
9
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 2:59pm

we are still living together for financial reasons, but I have started divorce proceedings. Dropped my financials off today and hopefully will hear something by the end of the week. I cannot wait for it to be over. I have felt like this for a long time and am so relieved that this time is finally here.

Anyone else feel just a sense of relief that things are happening as far as your D goes?

Anyone else still live/did live together during some of the divorce proceedings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 3:57pm

I wouldn't say that relief is *all* I feel by a long shot, but it's definitely one of the many emotions. Things were moving towards stalemate in our relationship all summer, and I was constantly anxious and panicked while I didn't know what was going to happen. I was worried about my health. Now that I know, I can start to grieve and let go. I still don't feel *good*, but I feel a lot less scared.

We are still living together in our four-room apartment until I can find a new place to live. I can't wait to get out. It's horribly painful for me. My stbx acts like everything is fine and dandy in life, and I'm doing my best to interact with him civilly while still keeping myself away emotionally. I can barely look at him. Every moment I have to see him, or hear him, or simply know that he's in the next room over, is a painful reminder of shattered dreams, broken promises, and faded love.

Our first mediation session is on Wednesday. I have no idea what to expect, but it'll be good just to get things moving along. It'll be even better when I find a new place to live and can start looking forward to move-out day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:46pm

Definitely... feeling like you are making some progress toward a goal feels.... rewarding... in a sense that you didn't feel before.


I lived with my then-STBX while we were divorcing until *our* home sold.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:57pm

My H and I tried that until I found out he was dating a 24 year old from his office and sleeping with me at the same time. He left the next day -- after I found out. If I had not raised a fuss, he would still be in my bed. Yuck. To think I knew this guy for 16 years too.
We wanted to try for our kids and financial reasons, but, for the most obvious reason, it did not work.

Akira

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:48pm

Hi
I lived with my X..before and after the Divorce.......I got the speech about MOW in November.....he filed for D first part of January and the D was final on Feb 1........and he didnt move out until March 1st.

I found the whole thing very difficult of course I was dealing with his "Love " for the MOW after I had been with him 20 years. But we survived it.

Sometimes finances just make it harder on everyone to try to live separately right away so I do understand those that do this.
good luck.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:49pm
whoops that was 29 years not 20!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 7:00am
We have been divorced 6 weeks & still live together in the house we own together.
We have 2 kids, so it works best for them this way.
At least no one is living in a box by the river...
We just bought the house last year, so we want to hold on to it for another year or two before we put it for sale. We want to have a profit to split after the sale so waiting is the best option there.
It hasn't happened yet, but I would be fine if he wants to date or whatever, don't care if a girl calls here for him, but I am not sure he would be as reciprocatiing about it. That's ok for now with me, because I am not interested in dating anyway.
He is though, so eventually that might happen. He had me write his profile for a couple of singles dating sites. Now THAT was weird!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 1:42am
I admire you. so much. It takes one heck of a woman to be able to allow this. I am weakening and wanting to demand the one and only stuff ........but he cant provide it.
Some days I am strong and think sure why not and then next I think no I want a man who really loves me.
I cant believe the pain they inflict upon us.
keep your strength and do what you need to do for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 10:00am
well, it's been a wild ride. Me & H have been together 12 yrs, married 9.
We were living our lives together, but thats about it. coexisting...
Last year I got a letter from my ex old flame that i never got over.
I called & talked to him for a few weeks. He lived far away.
We wanted to see each other. I told my H about our phone calls, & I wanted to see him.
I told H I wanted a divorce. At first he agreed readily, told me a bunch of stuff about how he felt too, and it was going to be great. I was going to get to be with my EX.
Then H freaked out, didn't want to D, wanted to reconcile.
So I dropped EX, & tried to get back with H. But I couldn't forget about EX.
After 5 months of NC with Ex, I called him again & he still wanted to see me.
I told H I wanted a D for sure. We got legal seperation & I went to see EX.
It was awesome, but the guilt, distance, kids, etc made it hard.
He felt responsible for my D. He feels sad over my kids & marriage.
He quit talking to me, & hopes I'll get back with H.
I went through with the D anyway, and I am glad I did.
Just found out from H last week, that 5 yrs ago he had an A
with my friend/business partner. That is why she quit our joint business one day
& moved away with no warning at all.
So I am pretty mad right now at H. He did this to me, but didn't feel any guilt?
Didn't feel the need to be honest with me about it when it happened?
Just swept it under the rug? At least I told him about my situation BEFORE it even happened! I couldn't even see my EX until I was legally seperated,
because I felt so guilty. Just talking to him on the phone was enough
to make me spill my guts, but my H just hid his indiscretions with no trouble whatsoever!
If I knew then what I know now, my EX would have found me single, not married.
I would have been right with him, no guilt, no hesitation.
Now it is so messed up, EX won't even talk to me.
Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 6:40pm

I am living with my husband and we seperated as of last night but I am in another state far away from family so I am still staying with him. I agreed to one year of seperation and marriage counselling. But I want to make it a legal seperation How do I find out about Alabama laws? I haven't worked at his insistance, for 20 of the 23 years we've been together. And those three years wore weeks and months far apart. I am looking for a job but how do I get a LEGAL seperation so it doesn't look like I just all the sudden want a divorce if things don't work out.


Saelee