Lonely night
Find a Conversation
Lonely night
| Sat, 12-24-2005 - 11:30pm |
I can really see why people get depressed around the holidays. My kids are with my ex until tomorrow morning. Went to my parents house for dinner, and their home which is normally filled with people-my siblings and their families namely, was pretty empty. No one was able to come back for Christmas. I didn't have my kids, my ex and I have been broken up for two years now, So just me and my parents. Came home to an empty house. This has been the lonliest Christmas eve I think I have ever experienced. Plus, my ex called me on the phone earlier today and started arguing with me again. He got me so worked up I was considering skipping Christmas eve all together and just going to sleep.
He called me a controlling, manipulative person (gee, sounds more like him), and told me that he didn't care if he had burned any bridges with me because they were bridges he never wanted to cross over again! It hurts so much still sometimes. I can't figure out why he hates me so much. I am the one who was cheated on, lied to, stole from, hurt so terribly that I will probably never fully recover, so why does HE hate ME! It should be the other way around. He told me that I was the only one he had ever lied to, and that he tells the truth to everyone ELSE! He told me that he would never pay his child support arrears and good luck getting him to pay it. He really is a mean person. I can't believe I didn't see it before. He is a mean, selfish bastard. What a horrible thing to think about someone on Christmas eve, but it's true! I don't know why he bothers talking to me at all. Maybe he should just leave me alone and not bother giving me the time of day anymore. It does no good to talk to him about anything.
He called me a controlling, manipulative person (gee, sounds more like him), and told me that he didn't care if he had burned any bridges with me because they were bridges he never wanted to cross over again! It hurts so much still sometimes. I can't figure out why he hates me so much. I am the one who was cheated on, lied to, stole from, hurt so terribly that I will probably never fully recover, so why does HE hate ME! It should be the other way around. He told me that I was the only one he had ever lied to, and that he tells the truth to everyone ELSE! He told me that he would never pay his child support arrears and good luck getting him to pay it. He really is a mean person. I can't believe I didn't see it before. He is a mean, selfish bastard. What a horrible thing to think about someone on Christmas eve, but it's true! I don't know why he bothers talking to me at all. Maybe he should just leave me alone and not bother giving me the time of day anymore. It does no good to talk to him about anything.

Pages
Hey there.... obviously, he's really mad at himself, he just won't let himself acknowledge it, so he takes it out on you.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hi Sweetie - you know what? People who are happy, dont act like that to others. Please dont let HIS issues, HIS anger & HIS problems affect you. I know its really hard - but you have wonderful kiddos who I am sure adore you, you have a good career & there are other holidays & other Christmas'. Things WILL get better.
R~ (not sure HOW this got RED!!! lol)
hugs honey.... the other posters are right --- and you know that HE is the loser and YOU are the strong one. DON'T let him get to you. it was just that you were feeling so sad already.... so vulnerable... those manipulative people know just how and when to push our buttons, don't they?
hang in there. you will be fine. i was feeling much like you, years ago. i wrote a post about this a few weeks ago - when i got divorced the first time, i was EMBARRASSED to be alone on holidays and weekends. i must add that i ilve in israel and i lived the jewish-orthodox lifestyle before so weekends and holidays were always a big deal. i felt so alone, i felt like a failure. but now - hey! no way! this is my life, this is my family. my family is one mommy and one son. and sometimes we have guests over, and sometimes we are invited out - but many times we are alone - jut our little family - and its FINE.
you'lll be fine. it takes time to adjust. i hope you are able to relax, and to celebrate you and your life and the true meaning of the holidays.
My jerk STBX does the SAME THINGS. Tells me how awful I am to him (I should be super nice??) and how he is so wonderful and amazing and such a great father (who didn't spend Thanksgiving or X-mas with his kids, didn't even get them anything or call his son on his b-day).
This guy knows how to push your buttons and he is going to. The best thing to do is have a no-contact rule. Obviously, since you have children together you will have to deal with him some, just as I do with my STBX. However, if the coversation is not STRICTLY about the children, end it. Even if you have to hang up on him and turn off your phone, do it. Yes, he is the one upsetting you, but, you are allowing him to by having the coversation at all. I know it's hard b/c it's hard hearing someone say those things about you. Everything in you is telling you that you need to show him that he is wrong. However, nothing will convince him of this. Just don't veer off of the topic of your children, it'll make your life a lot easier.
I don't know if anything I can say will help at all, but I am sending you hugs and my thoughts to help you through this time...
Julie
Wishing you the best the New Year has to offer!
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
Wow,
I feel for you. This is my first Christmas without hubby.
The divorce isn't complete yet.
You know I'm in the stage of it's all my fault. I can see I tryed to
change him. Man are what? women are emotion. Maybe I just nagged to much?
You know after so many years of work, raising kids we just didn't
date or go out. I saw red flags and warnings. I tryed to get him to go
to a counselor with me but he is very private. I felt he was even to private
with me you know like he hadn't even opened his heart to me let alone anyone else.
I guess I'm just a stupid bitch I thought my husband was suppose to be my best friend.
I would beg, cry, get angry the whole nine yards and get no response.
Yes I truly believe they push buttons and it works.
I feel like I was living a twenty year lie. Like he never loved me at all.
OMG why did he have to be so tough and stubborn? That just says to me
I DONT LOVE YOU, yes I make mistakes and I do things that are wrong but can't
you help me? It was like talking to a wall very scary. He just wouldn't or
couldn't step up to the plate and offer any love and input.
Or was it me? You know what I mean I keep going back and forth because in all the years
(20) there never was any resolution it just went round and round. He always
ignored the issues (mine of course he didn't have any). It's very hard to live
with someone like that. I don't think my husband is a bad person at all.
Whew this is HELL!!!!
I'm so sorry you had to go through that on Christmas eve. I also went to my parent's house this Christmas eve and came home to an empty home. Boy, it wasn't fun! I hope next year isn't this tough.
And there is nothing wrong with saying it like it is. If your ex is mean and evil, Christmas doesn't magically change that!
Hugs, Brenda
I would just say he is hateful. You are not required to listen to his abuse. If he's calling names, or saying hateful things, I would just say "If you can't speak to me in a respectful manner I'm hanging up" and if he continues being rude, then do just that. YOu are NOT required to be verbally abused by him.
His continued abuse of you is just a way of remaining in control, his calling you names takes the blame off of him in his eyes for his affair, and him saying you won't get any money etc again all about control. Do NOT allow him to push your buttons, refuse to participate.
As far as child support, make sure you have a lawyer, make sure you have the DOR involved and tell them of his threats to you as well regarding the support. If he has a regular job, DOR will just attach his pay. If he's in construction or anything that he gets paid under the table, it will be more difficult.
Don't be sad about this clown that's for sure, he's a giant A Hole as far as I can see, you are better than that, don't participate in his games. Hang up the phone.
Pages