long distance visitation ideas

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
long distance visitation ideas
3
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 1:18pm

We are trying to work out visistation schedule with our sons ages 6 and 7. My stbx lives 4 hrs away (he created the distance). He wants 3 wkends a month and 6 wks in summer. I do not agree with that! I cannot imagine being without my boys for 6 wks! His suggestion was one week with me, one week with him, one with me, one with him, etc all summer long. I thought that was ridiculous.

With 3 wkends a month, they won't be able to participate in soccer or baseball that they usually participate in due to missing all but one Saturday game. Games are every Saturday during season. He has already stated he won't stay in town, they will travel to where he lives.

Anyone else in this situation with distance? How did you make it work?

Laura

Avatar for cmckinn
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 4:33pm

I'm just now in the process of divorce, so I can't tell you what works for me yet. However, of all the articles I've read about how to help your children deal with divorce, there is a common theme. The children's lives should remain as normal as possible. Yes, being carted between parents is not normal, but if they have activities they are used to, you should try to keep those going as much as you can. It creates a safe feeling for the children to have life carry on somewhat to what they are used to.

My STBX is giving me the blues and saying that we may need to cut down on their activities as well, but to me that is just ridiculous. Their lives as they know it do not stop because of the divorce. It makes my blood boil. We agreed that we'd discuss together what they sign up for, but the bottom line is my kids only do one sport at a time, so we don't have a huge amount of schedule juggling to do. They have both been playing sports for several years now and I'm not going to tell them they can't any more.

I hope it all works out for you.

Carole

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 5:22pm

Oh my, that is not a reasonable schedule considering the distance! I think if he wants to see the children that many weekends per month, he should come to them at least two of the three times and stay at a hotel. I feel that once per month is the maximum I'd be comfortable with my children traveling like that. As for the summer, I don't think six weeks is an unreasonable amount of time (although four weeks is more like it IMO), but I would never go for the back and forth week per week. Perhaps three weeks at the beginning of summer and three at the end? Or if you did four weeks total, maybe four together or two on each end? My ex lives out of state too, but very far away (I'm near Chicago, he's in Rhode Island) and he doesn't see the kids at all during the year, but he had them for a week over Christmas time and will have them for a month this summer. I suggested it be 5 weeks to my almost 11 year old and although she is really looking forward to her visit with Dad, she feels a month is long enough. Let us know how it goes!

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 3:44pm
Thanks for the suggestions! It's hard figuring out what is best and making sure you aren't putting your own selfish feelings first. I like to think I'm doing what is best for them, regardless of how sad it may be for me, but.... It's hard not to consider that, too!!
Thanks,
Laura