Look like X may "get it" !!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Look like X may "get it" !!!
11
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 3:43am

Whoo Hoo! Its friday .. court is MONDAY.


X never saw the COURT-ORDERED co-parenting

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 8:39am

As backwards as it sounds, I hope your ex doesn't comply with those things over the weekend etc...your little sweetie goes through so much negativity with him, and you have done the proverbial 'bent over backwards' thing so much during this past year.

You know in your heart what is best for her, it shows in your posts here. Its good to hear you sounding positive about court next week; its hard to see how that judge can do anything but provide some framework that will help your little girls dad learn how to treat her right, period. I hate it that verbal abuse and emotional blackmail are not as clearly defined within the court system, though it is addressed more now than it used to be years ago. You are such an awesome mom and all you are doing now is going to so impact her in years to come...go you! *Smiles...

I really get it...I want so much to let my kids have whatever kind of a good relationship they can with their daddy as they grow up, to the extent that is possible, because them having a sense of love and a real relationship with both divorced parents is what THEY need. I don't want him to harm them emotionally because he is out of control, immature and not too swift, not to mention vindictive -- and even though my ex is three states away - he is still doing the whole p-a-s thing via email, phone calls and on visitation... it just keeps happening. The children were placed with me - sole physical, sole legal and the custody issue was complete finally this past August---but he keeps it in the childrens mind that they can 'choose' to come live with him. They can't really ever settle into a routine of 'ok its over, we are living with moma and she is going to make sure we get to visit him as often as possible - but our main home is going to be with moma."

Nope, instead they know he is going to go to court on every issue and as often as he can to 'try and take us back mommy". He tells them continuously how this school district is so much 'lower' than the school across the street from his new, huge house, right next to the wonderful park of course...that if they come live with him, they won't have to worry about money as he will provide for them and mommy can come visit them anytime they want...(*which makes me go ballistic since any dad who loves his children would want to provide a decent life for them whether they were living with him or the ex wife...he is to date $17, 900. in arrears on child support.)

I am not sure yet what actions to take which will be effective; but it heartens me to see another divorced mama, putting the child first and actually 'winning' as far as being able to finally effect the behavior of the other parent towards their child. Divorced parents ought to be able to parent their children without interference from the other parent IF they are doing so with love and concern for the kids. If they are causing the kids yet more turmoil and ongoing stress and confusion, then they OUGHT to lose their rights or be monitored or restricted in some way until such time that they get help or find a way to act responsible and loving. Bleh...same issues, another day - BUT, I am free, and the children, even while going through this junk still, are soooo much better off. I know that and I love them so totally!

*Doing the freedom-dance to the refrigerator to get out the milk for the cheerio's breakfast I'm going to make for my kids instead of the gourmet brunch they get while they are at 'its' house...and smiling, cause I know whats important, and love is free, not conditional. Woo Hoo rlch...have a great weekend hun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:07am

It almost sounds as if you were married to my ex as well. He and the sm (usually the sm) constantly trying to paint a pretty picture to lure her to their house. If they are not doing that, then the sm is pumping her for info, etc--constantly putting her in the middle. I live in MO, they live in IN. This has Lauren worried sick over where she's going to go, feeling like she has to choose between us, etc. He's not behind on cs right now. I have made it clear to him in the past that if he gets behind, I will go after him through dcse for it. About a year ago, he was 5 months and 2 weeks behind. I really did not want to see that cs check come in then--even though I def. needed the money. I really wanted to send him to jail so that the boys in there could do to him what he's done to me--a little poetic justice is all I want.

In the meantime, stay strong, keep your chin up, keep thinking positive thoughts--it WILL work out. Maybe Monday will be your day!!

We will keep our fingers (and toes) crossed for you. Best of Luck and please let us know what happens.

Becka

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 11:07am

Good luck, Rebecca! I hope the judge gives him the "spanking" he's deserved for quite some time now.

And I especially hope that SOMETHING is finally done about how he treats Averey. That poor kid has been through enough with him and it really needs to stop.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 1:25pm

Sending prayers for justice for you and your dd!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 5:40pm
OK... now you know tha tyou have to give us an update ASAP on Monday.... Good luck!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 8:16pm

R~

When I saw the title of your post, I really was hopeful that he was "getting it" in another way... you know, finally seeing what he's doing to your beautiful dd... so I was saddened to read the post, but I, like you hope that the judge isn't in the mood for his crap on Monday.... Keep us posted!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2007
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:09pm
All of the luck in the world! I hope things are working out for you and your beautiful little girl (and dog!).
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 9:56am
Be careful what you wish for. Be prepared to feel emotions you didnt think would surface. If your ex is that much in contempt, the judge COULD order him to jail. Be ready. It's not as much of a "happy day" as you'd think.....
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:16pm

I thought of that the other nite Deb. Truly, I would be upset if he got sent to jail.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 2:36pm

I know what you are saying, but remember....sometimes nothing will teach a person. Imagine seeing him being hauled off to jail. at first, you feel vindicated. Then you feel bad-though you have nothing to feel bad about. A week later, they haul him back into court with full shackles-hand cuffs and ankle cuffs. Wearing jail garb-green jumpsuit, flip flops, socks. Not a good picture. Still, it's not your fault, but the feeling of guilt becomes evident. Family calling blaming you "how dare you put the father of your children in jail as if he's a common criminal".....

Then, you have to explain to your kids why he's not coming for visitation. You know they understand. But deep down you wonder "do they blame me?". Then, he will eventually get out of jail. He's either going to learn his lesson and pay up. OR he will continue to blame you for his spiral downward. He will blame you to the kids "Your mom had a choice and she chose to put me in jail". Again, deep down you know your kids understand, but there's that pesky inkling "do they believe him???"

I just spelled out my scenario from Sept 11, 2006. This happened to me. He got out of jail on 9/18 and yes, I got the bail money (3600). BUT, I've received 2 weeks worth of child support since 11/3. Has he learned his lesson? No. Has he continued to blame me for his stint in jail? yes. He mentions how horrible it was (turn the knife a bit more), yet, he's risking going back because he STILL is not obeying the court orders. It's on him now though. Not me.

What i'm trying to say is prepare yourself. You will have a gamut of feelings IF this should happen. Joy, vindication, guilt, remorse, anger, fear, etc. It is NOT YOU that caused this though. He did this to himself. But make sure you are doing everything for the right reasons (which you are) so you can continue to look at yourself in the mirror.

Hugs

Deb

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