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Looking for support
| Sun, 01-22-2006 - 9:50pm |
I am new to the divorce side. I came from the cheating message board. I finally told DH that I was filing for divorce. He left to go to Arizona (1800 miles away) on November 19. Came home for 24 hours at Christmas time then left again. He doesn't call often never asks about our kids and I am dealing with all of this after trying to rebuild our marriage after his infidelities. He asked why and I said we can't fix a marriage from 2 different states. He said he thought we were trying but he guesses i want to give up. I hate when he tries to put all the blame on me. I am so tired from crying tonight that I don't know what to think. I know i have to file for a divorce to either get him to recommit to our marriage or to come clean with anything else he has done wrong in his life and get on with it. I am only 27 years old and have given him 9 years of my life so I could just end up broken hearted. My thoughts are just so scattered right now i don't know what to think. Thanks for listening to me go on, I am sure this is just the beginning.

Hi and welcome... I'm sorry you've had the need to find us, but I'm glad that you did...
My guess is that he is trying to put all the blame on you because he is too immature to see that he contributed to the breakdown of the marriage... Since he is so far away, it does make it nearly impossible (at least in my mind) to re-establish the trust to be able to rebuild the marriage. And from what you've said in your post, it doesn't sound like he is committed to the relationship...
At this point, I would recommend that you seek couseling, if you haven't all ready, so that you can begin working through some of the issues you are facing. Divorce is not an easy path, but it can lead you to a brighter tomorrow than you may have had otherwise. Ultimatley, the decision is yours... I would also speak with an attorney so that you can determine what your rights are, as well as what your children's rights are... knowledge is power...
I hope that you'll come back and post again. We are here for you as you try to determine what is the next best step for you to take...
Sending hugs and wishes of peace to you...
Julie
I am sorry you have to be here. My marriage is ending after 10 years and infidelity is involved in my situation as well (more than once). It is VERY tough. I was completely destroyed at first. However, after letting time go by, I started wondering just what I am missing. I mean he is gone a lot so I have to be alone quite a bit. I don't have any emotional support. The reality is he isn't loving and committed. I don't want my girls to think this is ok. I began to focus my time on myself and the girls. I spend time with my girlfriends. I find that although I am sad that the "dream" is dead, I don't miss him. He isn't a good partner and truth be told, made me feel badly about myself. Now that it is over, I feel better about ME. It's a wonderful feeling.
You are going to be sad and that's normal even with the worst marriages. You have to process all of you feelings. I just want you to know that it will get better. Don't let him put all of this on you. He does it so he doesn't have to carry guilt over his actions. My does the same. We all add to the problems in our marriages but most of us don't bring deal breakers. He behavior is very often a huge deal breaker. Don't let him make you doubt yourself. He doesn't deserve that kind of power in your life. Good luck and update us.
Kimberly