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| Sun, 08-21-2005 - 6:07pm |
My H told me a month ago he wasn't happy and 2 weeks ago he was finished with us. I got the "I love you but not in love with you" spill. He is attracted to someone at work who he has been having an EA with. He denies that an EA is cheating but anyway... I am so strong most of the time. I mean it is his loss. He is choosing to leave us- we have 2 girls 6 & 2. I just don't understand how you can turn off your emotions and walk away from what we have. We had a great marriage. He always told me how lucky he was to have me. He was my best friend. Now he has become a stranger. It's like he has been abducted and given someone else's brain. I can not understand how this happened. He tries to turn it around on me and tell me why this is my fault. He brings up things that make no sense. I am trying to be civil for the children. He moved out on Friday, finally. He did come by this morning to see the kids. He is also keeping them tomorrow night here while I am at Open House at school. I want to rip his face off and hug him at the same time. Please tell me this is normal and it will get easier. I don't know if I just miss what I thought my life was or really miss him. Thanks for reading this rambling. I get a lot of strength from reading this board!!
JG

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!Why do all cheaters use the "I love you but not in love with you" line...I wonder if the pass it along to one another.....My H used that one too....The week before he was madly in love with me and was buying me expensive gifts for my birthday and telling be how lucky he was and then .......BAM........He met some chic (again..this was not his first) and he was out the door in a flash. Yes, an emotional affair is cheating...he is not even fooling himself with the denial....
It is not in any way your fault.........Nothing that you could have ever done in the relationship justifies him going outside of the marriage with his heart and thoughts..........It is just plain wrong and he knows it....My STBX tried that turning it around to be my fault thing too and he would also try to find anything wrong with me whenever we talked or he would come to see the kids.....I think for him, it is his way of trying to convince himself that he was right to leave....Frankly, I think if you have to justify it in your mind then you know it is wrong....
You will go through a rollercoaster of emotions through this experience, but for me, it has only been almost 2 months and I am having more good days all the time.....For me the bad days come when I know he is driving 6 hours to see his girlfriend or when he calls me constantly...but I am going to get through it, and I am actually very proud of how I have handled my behavior so far...........Knock on wood....For me now, I know that I do not miss him...the person I married is dead and gone....what is left is just the evil twin....When I get depressed, it is mostly b/c I miss being married and being a Mrs......But I will be that again someday....hopefully....and next time it will be the real deal!!!Stay strong and do not let him get you down.......When he realizes that the grass is not greener, you can smile and be through the pain while he is kicking himself.....
Yes, things will get better with time. Once you get over the initial shock, things will start to get a little easier. You probably do miss him since I'm sure you loved him or porbably still do. Don't beat yourself up over it, let your feelings out. Acknowledge that you miss him and cry if you feel like it. After you allow yourself to feel this, you'll probably get mad at him for what he is doing to your family. Then you'll start to heal and feel less lonely and rejected. At least that's what I went through the first time I got divorced. This time I'm not getting officially divorced, but my boyfriend just broke up with me and left. I'm not in shock this time, but I'm very very sad. I know I'll feel better with time, but right now I'm just sad and sorry it didn't work out. It really helps to talk to people and tell everyone how you're really feeling, this will help you feel so much better.
Take care,
Laura