Lord, give me strength

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Lord, give me strength
3
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 8:59pm

I'm not doing well tonight at all. Brief backgroud: STBX & I have been living separately in the same house for alomst a year. We tried counselling etc, but things were too far gone to fix. We have a 4 y.o. and a 2 y.o.

In the summer things got really bad. That was the end of the relationship for me. I took my time planning my exit and have been waiting for my new condo to be ready for a while. Tonight I broke the news to him that I am moving on Wednesday. In actuality, he knew that I had a condo in the works and I have told him repeatedly that I was only here until I found a place to live. Yet he acts as though this is news to him. He acts shocked and angry. He goes on tirades about how he doesn't deserve this etc etc. He threatens withdrawal of money and has in the past threatened to sue for custody citing that I am a negligent mother, have "mental problems" etc.

Every time he does this it weakens me to the core. I try not to let on, but I am shaking like a leaf. I am afraid of him. I dont' think he'll ever let me go. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage dealing with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 9:11pm

Don't tell him your plans anymore until you are out.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 10:56am

HUGS! But Susan is 100% correct! I can not tell you how many men use this tactic to try to scare their wives into staying. They go after the two things that frighten us the most.....custody of our children, and the fear of having no money to raise them. As for the mental problem issue, if every mother who had ever been in counseling or was on medication lost custody of their children, maybe 2% of divorced mothers would actually have custody! It's just a lot of talk to try to scare you. The courts are very used to the bitter ex trying to paint an unflattering picture. Do NOT let this scare you.

Have you been to see an attorney yet? Once I saw mine, I felt a million times better. She eased my mind and made me realize I was not going to live in the gutter, penniless and without custody. Before that, I really thought that was going to be my life. You will get through this, and you CAN leave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 6:39pm

Thanks for the replies.

I know I can leave. In fact, I have to leave. I can't stand to be around him and his mind games any more. He gets me so wound up that I don't know where he ends and I begin. Yes, I know that's my fault as much as it is his. I told him the other day that I can't stand the sound of his voice, and it's totally true.

I had a lot of people telling me to not tell him in advance about my move. I warned him it was going to happen, but he chose to ignore my words. I just felt that leaving with no warning was underhanded. And, being stupidly optimistic, I thought he might have handled the news better than he has. He always manages to disappoint me in the most outstanding ways.

I have been to a lawyer. She was very good, but his threats still haunt me. The lawyer I saw recommended legal aid, so I have yet to find out what my legal aid lawyer will be like. I keep thinking that legal aid should be for people who need it, not someone like me who would have money to pay for legal counsel if not for the dumbass threats. So frustrating.

Anyway, I appreciate the support.