Losing It - Need Support
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| Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:49pm |
I am new here. I have been lingering for a couple of weeks, but I really need to vent. I am having a really hard day.
Right around New Years Eve which happens to be my STBX's B-Day we had a huge fight and I told him I wanted a divorce. I had told him that several months ago but we decided to work things out because he agreed to go to counseling on his own. He went twice and he thought that was effort. Anyways I realized that he was not going to change mostly because he didn't think he had done anything. Since I had told him I was unhappy, he has been accusing me of a mid life crisis, mental illness, or something else that I am going through. I have been in biweekly counseling since October and can tell you that none of these things are true. Through my counseling I realized that I have been emotionally and verbally abused for the whole 11 years of our marriage. I stayed out of fear of being alone and being a single mother.
Since then we are still living together while we sell the house. I moved into the guest room, because how dare I think that he should. For some reason he thinks it is his house more then mine. Any way on a weekly basis, when things don't go his way, he starts in on the verbal abuse of telling me I am dumping on the marriage, throwing everything away, and that I am so mentally ill I should be in an institution.
Most of the time I just ignore him, but last night I lost it. I couldn't take it any more. I started yelling at him and telling him to stop verbally abusing me. Then I told him that the reason we are getting a divorce is because he is an a**hole. I called him that several times. He said well what about the way that your DS disrespects me and talks back to me. I told him that it was because he is an a**hole. Then he said that we never kissed or made out was because I was sexually disfuctional. I told him no it was because he is an a**hole and I couldn't stand to be around him.
I hate who I have become. It is so difficult to live with him. Everyday he does something that is normal to him and all I can think is why did I put up with it for so long.
How did you all get through it? Until now I thought I was handling things ok, but I think I was in denial. I can't stand to be around him, and I am stuck there until we sell the house.
This brings up another issue. I was looking at my finances and realized I could probably buy the house. Has anyone done that? Was it hard emotionally to stay in the house you lived together in.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening.

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i also lived with my then-husband until i couldn't stand it anymore. it VERY hard. we also lived in a very small house - there was no spare bedroom, there was nowhere to hide, my ex "works" from the home so he was always "at home". i blush now when i think back at my 'temper tantrums' but its almost impossible to keep your cool when going thru something like that.
what helped me: going to work, talking talking talking to friends about what was going on, exercising till you're ready to burst. next time you want to yell at him - pick up the phone and call a friend, or just walk out of hte house to cool down
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