LOST

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
LOST
2
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 12:43pm

Im not sure if im writing this in the right section...Im new here (im on another board but need help in this subject)...I recently decided that I want to divorce my husband of almost 4 years...I have fallen out of love with him and he know this but heres the problem...We currently live with my parents (personal health issues with my father)...We have 2 kids (7yrs. and 20 mos.)...My mother is not in agreement with me getting a divorce not at all she just doesnt agree with it...i am doing nothing but crying and being a total insert the b word here to everyone...i just want to be happy thats all i feel getting a divorce is something i NEED to do to start my life...at this point i cannot afford to move out of the house yes i work full time but still an apartment around here is going to cost me at least $800 or more...i dont know what to do so right now im still with my dh bc i seriously dont think i have any other options right now...its ruining me i just need some advice please...thank you...

~melissa~

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: melissa8102005
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 5:19pm

Melissa...

PG has been through 2 divorces and a 4-year relationship that totally went to HELL! Two of the splits were the result of indfidelity (on her part) and the other divorce was the result of a marriage turning into a "roommate relationship!"

My only suggestion is to fold a piece of paper in half. In one column write down all the plusses you have by still being married....in the other column, write down all the minusses. Flip the paper over and write down all the plusses you THINK YOU'D HAVE by turning single....and the minusses as well?

Compare the lists...and it shouldn't be difficult to choose whether to "stay or go?"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: melissa8102005
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 6:18pm

Melissa,


When stress occurs in multiple layers it can tear a marriage apart. It sounds like you have a lot of stress starting with trying to care for your parents, maintain a marriage, a young child, and your own desire to be happy.


For what its worth I think the place to start is with a marriage counselor. Even if you don't want your marriage any more you need to know what brought you to this point. (Sounds obvious but might not be.). My guess would be the enormous stress of living with and caring for your parents has taken its toll. You haven't really been able to have your own home, home life, privacy, or the opportunity to make your marriage the first priority. So here's my second suggestion: move out to a place of your own. It's time your parents made arrangements for their own care. There are many options out there whatever their income situation.


In the meantime, you need to find some respite care for your parents. Take a look in both the Blue government pages of the phonebook and the yellow pages. Under government look for agencies with the words "agency on aging" or "elder care"; in the yellow pages

CL-Wisdomtooth2020