Lots of H's fight 4custdy is it likely?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Lots of H's fight 4custdy is it likely?
6
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 2:38pm
What do the lawyers tell you about your H's fighting for custody? My H has had me so convinced that he'd get DD who is 4 that I've actually been on hold from signing seperation papers & temp custody papers since August. I do not drink at all, or do drugs or run around on him. I think I've been crazy to believe his crap for so long, I think reading Ivillage has made me alot stronger and I'm getting closer to calling the lawyers back and making a new appointment to get things rolling....but then I read where a few of your x's are filing for custody. Just wondering if you could give me some insight on what your lawyers tell you...as far as "dont worry about it" or "if he has lots of money he might win" etc.??? Thanks in advance for any tips....I just need to get my ball rolling...can anyone help nudge me that final step?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 2:44pm

No stranger on a board is going to be better able to assess your chances than your own lawyer. We don't know your local courts, or all the details of your marriage. Please, call your lawyers back and ask them these questions. Knowledge is power.

(And being the Mommy is power, too. No matter who your DD lives with, you are still Mom.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 3:58pm

Hi,

I too was scared to death because my STBX actually went for custody of our two children (8 & 6)when he filed for divorce and temporay orders.

At the court date for the temporary orders, we both were granted joint physical and legal custody (what I wanted in the first place!). The judge basically laughed and said that I was a great mom and there was NO reason for this.

I believe our children need both of their parents equally and the judge also believed that. He now sees it was the wrong thing to do...he was hurt and trying anything to hurt me and by using my kids was the way to get at me.

Hope my story makes you feel better! :)

Kate

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 5:14pm

My X tried to get full custody of our youngest son (age 10-- we also have a 19 y/o son). It was UTTERLY laughable: X is an alcoholic, allowed our CHILDREN to drive cars, showed our youngest son (who was having issues with fire setting, and has ADHD & impulse control issues) how to start a fire more easily, didn't give the same son his meds... in an effort to try to screw me out of a larger settlement, X claimed that the land where our business was situated on (and where he'd be living with DS, should he get full custody) was contaminated. Yet he wanted DS to live there...? What was he THINKING?

The Department of Social Services had gotten involved with X about him letting DS drive PRIOR to him filing for custody... X was openly undermining my parenting in front of our son, which caused DS to act out even MORE... I finally, through DS's counselor, got intensive family therapy with social workers. They saw through X's act-- and were absolutely FLOORED that he would even consider going for custody-- in their report to the court, they basically called him an alcoholic, and pointed out how inconsistent X was in his parenting, and contradicted himself verbally constantly.... how his stories change according to how it suits his cause-- contaminated land/wanting DS to live there, and such...

I really think it's the lawyers that push these custody cases. When you're billing $250 an hour, and you add that up, it can run in the tens of thousands of dollars. Sure, sometimes there IS just cause, but in my case, every mental health professional involved with our family was shocked that X would think he offered a more stable home (This is a man who thinks it's OK for him to be sleeping in the same room with his GF and his 10 year old son). The GAL that HE pushed for basically said he was a lush and should get counseling.

Good luck! Do you have counselors working with your family? They are invaluable-- they certainly were in my case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 7:25am
I have a counselor, I've seen mostly on a regular basis since May, then when she told me how emotionally & verbally abusive it was....um and in the middle of this I stayed by my dads bedside all my free time until he died in August...but when she told me that he forbid me to see her again or all of my stuff would be out on our road waiting for me. Maybe I should have left him do that, but I didn't. He's packed himself and the little one up so many times almost every weekend....but then I keep him there because he refuses to leave without her. So yes, I see a counselor and will probably get girls into it once all is said and done. Right now...I know he knows that I've had enough. I know I wasnt perfect in our relationship but I know I am not to blame. We just dont go together at all, stupidly got married hoping it would work because I became preg.. Now that I've had to see the counselor on the sneak, with $ H doesn't know I received from my dads last SS check...its hard to go. Thanks for the replies!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 10:27pm
What state do you live in, or more importantly..what county. Ask your attorney how the courts typically rule. I was blind to what is really going on with our court systems. Best interest and mothers rights have been replaced by fathers rights and shared parenting. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with shared parenting and I know lots of father that step up to the plate, I just happen to have one that isn't. If you have a good realtionship with your STBX, then you will be fine, but if he is controlling you might have an uphill battle. I've spent over 25K in the last year trying to get our 50/50 shared parenting plan changed. I have counselors, psychological reports, and GAL stating that it needs to change. We've now been ordered to attend family counseling and our court date has been continued until Feb 20th. I would have been fine with the 50/50 if the girls were happy. If I had to do it all over again I would in a heartbeat. The lesson I've taught my two daughters is that you need to be able to take care of yourself, and I've empowered them with the ability to stand up for their rights. Dr Phil is right when he says that it's better for a child to come from a broken home than to live in one. In the end, you need to do what is best for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 7:44am
Thanks Stuck, I am in WV, and talking with 1 woman who got a D in WV yes, this shared
parenting is the way they like to go. He son lives with her but....She IS NOT allowed to move further than 50 miles away from XH and XH has the son 4 weekends out of 5. That just doesn't sound reasonable to me. I'm thinking more and more courts seem to be listening to these men and that the sooner I get in there the better because in 20 years who knows maybe men will mostly get the kids the way the world is changing. Maybe the woman I know has that parenting plan because she has a boy and the courts want the boy to have lots of time with the dad. I dont know. I have a 4 yo DD, also a 15 yo DD from previous marriage. I just cant bear the thought of 4 out of 5 weekends not having the little one but hey.....can I live miserable for the next 14 years? Thanks for the input and I'll be sure to ask my lawyer.