Lurkers come and say hi :)
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Lurkers come and say hi :)
| Wed, 06-22-2005 - 8:51am |
Hey guys!
I was thinking maybe we would get some of the lurkers to come out and say a quick hi. If you want to share your story, please feel free.
We have had a lot of new members lately and it made me realize that we have quite a few lurkers :)
We are all here for support and hugs. Join us :)
Hugs to you,
Angelena



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Hi there. I am an occasional poster, and frequent lurker.
I am in an unhappy marriage, and would like a divorce. However, it's just not
financially feasible for me right now. I live in CT, and to even rent a place in a half-way decent school district is insanely expensive. My H and I are like strangers. He basically ignores me, or is unkind. It's a lonely existence, but I am trying to make it
through.
However, I did decide to meet with a different lawyer this week to discuss my
options.
Lastly, reading the posts from all of you supportive, kind, strong women is so
helpful. I know that when the day comes that I am finally able to file, I'll
have a place to come share everything!
That is so great :) I am so glad we have been able to help you :)
Hello and thanks for lurking with us :)
It is hard when you feel there is no out available. Money ALWAYS has such a big part in things. Hugs to you and as I always say everything happens for a reason. One day it will all fall into place :)
Hugs and welcome!
Angelena
Hi all, I'm new to these boards so I guess I better introduce myself before I post too many more messages !
My name is Jan, I live in Alberta, Canada. I have one soon to be 20 year old daughter from my first marriage ( long story, married waaay too young to a guy with waaay too many problems ). I also have three children from my second marriage - ages 9, 12 and 15.
I left our family home and farm last August after 14 years of marriage....I didnt' want to be the one to leave but things were unbearable and he refused to move since it was "his family's land". So, now I am living in a fairly small 4 bedroom rental house in town while he lives in comfort in our 3 year old 2,000 sq foot 2 story farm house with 5 +1 bedrooms. He has the house, everything in the house ( all I took with me was the living room furniture and my oldest daughter's bedroom furniture...I had to buy everything else ), the barn, corrals, pasture, cattle, horses, my 3 dogs, my cat, lawntractors, quad, etc, etc.
I stayed at home for 15 years with my kids...and looked after the farm and cattle. For the past 5 years I also ran a horse rescue, which I loved but did not make a whole lot of money from.
Since last August my ex has not paid any CS and is offering an absolute insulting amount for a settlement. "Out of the goodness of his heart" he has 'given' me a grand total of $3,000 to help me with living expenses in all that time. I receive $500 a month for gov't child tax credit...which now all goes to paying for the truck since he went into the bank and told them to stop taking payments from his account and gave them my account number instead. In the winter I was a billet for two Jr hockey players which brought in $700 a month. I am also working part time at a feedlot, which basically pays for my gas to get out there and hay for the horses. We live in a very small town and jobs are not easy to come by, especially considering the farming hardships the past few years.
I am really struggling with getting a full time job since my youngest is only 9 and is used to having me there when she gets home from school...and my just turned 15 year old son is going through a rough time and getting into a ton of trouble right now...leaving them on their own every day really isn't an option....especially with summer holidays starting next week.
I have now used up every penny I ever had saved up and have had to cash in my RRSPs to pay rent and bills...there's nothing left.
I have booked a court date for early July to apply for interim support for the kids but my ex is claiming about $20,000 less than he actually makes ( he went from being an employee to a contract position, so although he makes the same wage, on paper he is writing most of it off as business expenses ).
I was planning on going back to school in Sept. but now dont' know if I can afford it.
To put it mildly, things are tense and I'm about at the end of my rope.
So...that's basically my story, at least where things stand right now.
Jan
My name is Nancy. Married once way too young. Have three daughters. In a live in relationship that isn't bad -- just so distant. We have nothing left in common but my youngest daughter who is eleven.
Trying to figure out whether to stay or go, but he loves his daughter and they are close. I make more money than him and everything is in my name. But he is weak, and I don't want to take away his family.
So here I am trying to convince myself 7 more years isn't bad. I guess I am different from a lot of posters in that financially I would be ok. As long as I don't rock the boat we are like strangers who share a house. But I know he would get violent if I left. So what to do? So far I have opted for staying. It just seems easier.
nolson_golden
Proud Parent of 3: Tiara, Tawnya and Tannessa
Grandmother of 2: Richard and Matthew
Wow, Nancy! We are in a similar sitution with our children's ages and deciding if we should leave or not (except I make less money than he does!). I also try to tell my self I can stand it for another six or seven years.
But I don't think my H would get violent if I left because he just doesn't care enough any more.
I believe he would get violent because in his head we are "perfectly fine." And no he doesn't want to do counseling -- thank you very much.
Also he loves his daughter to death and she would want to stay with me. So in his mind I would be "stealing" his daughter. The saddest thing is my daughter isn't dumb. She knows we aren't like "normal" couples. But I have talked to her and she wants her daddy in her life. I know how self-destructive daddy can be. I just don't want to risk it until she is grown up and "really understands" why I can't be with him anymore.
Sigh. It is all so hard isn't it? It does help to know we aren't alone.
I am so sorry you are going through this as well.
nolson_golden
Proud Parent of 3: Tiara, Tawnya and Tannessa
Grandmother of 2: Richard and Matthew
Nancy,
Hugs to you. HUGE hugs to you.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Only you know what is best for you and you can make the best decision. We can all say that staying is not the right choice, but only you know.
Hugs to you sweetie and welcome!
Angelena
Hello all,
My name is lisa and divorced with 3 dd's. I have been divorced for almost 5 years and have been in a LDR for the last 3. My oldest DD's is pregnant and going to have a baby anyday. I have a 14 year old that is straight student and 12 who is living with her dad.
I lurk quiet a bit but it helps and I post when I have advice to give. and I have issues with my CS and my ex use to pay when he wanted and not when he should till I lost my job. then CSR got involved and now I get CS regularly and also getting a check for my CS that he is in arrears.
lisa j romesburg
Hi there and welcome :)
I am so glad you found some comfort in this board. We are always here with an ear to listen :)
Sorry to hear you are/were having a hard time with Child support. Things will get better, everything always does :)
Hugs to you and thank you for sharing your story.
Hi There, I'm an occasional lurker/poster too. I left my husband almost 2 yrs ago, because he became abusive once I found out that he had financially ruined both of us. I tried to work things out, but I eventually left, because he continued to be abusive and drive us further into debt.
He's dragging out the divorce as much as he can, and refuses to pay child support, because there's no court order for it yet (according to him).
He does a lot of the things a parent shouldn't do to our kids. He says bad things about me to them, he tells them not to tell me things, and he lies to them.
I'm thankful this board has been there for me when I need it. I hope I can be there for someone at some point too.
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