Made my decision now how do I do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Made my decision now how do I do it?
3
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 12:00pm

Hi everyone. I'm new to this particular board. I think. I've been lurking anyway.

I feel as though I've made my decision to at least separate from my husband. I've tried staying with him and sorting out my feelings but it's not working. I feel I really need to get out on my own in order to do that. If it happens that we can reconcile, great, but I'm not optimistic that we can or that I want to and staying is just causing more stress and pain, esp. to my H.

I keep saying that everything is so clear yet so difficult! If it's clear, WHY is it so hard? First of all, my H wants none of this. He is not interested in divorce, separation, losing me at all. So THAT is obviously difficult. How do I bite the bullet and just do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 3:42pm
Good Afternoon phoenix826, I recently separated from my husband after 23 years of a bad marriage. I finally hit a wall and realized I couldn't do it anymore. He too doesn't want this but there is zero desire from me to be in the wife role for him any longer-no love or attraction. I moved into an apartment close to the house. Our two children left at home go back and forth at their convenience. So far so good. I still feel 100% conviction I have done the right thing. Good luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 3:44pm
I'm in the same boat right now. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 4:46pm

I put a time frame on it. For example I said to him if things can't or won't turn around by June 1st I think you need to move out. I told him this in March as I had been considering it for many months. It gives time for everyone to reflect on what they can do to improve or not the relationship.

He moved out by my asking the end of May. I am still in the house with the kids as they are only 7 and 3. He can't keep them as his work schedule will not allow nor would I let him. They have spent the night on weekends and he sees them regularly. We have been in MC counseling also and are now at a standstill.

He doesnt want to take any recommendations from the counselor either. So I am considering moving ahead with filing at this time. Also will tell him a timeframe that I feel is fair. Because if I don't I feel I will wake up one day and see decades have gone by with no changes. I have already been with him over 10 years now and don't feel I can give him another 10 or 20 years at this rate.

It is hard but he is gone now and I have my own space. He will be in my life forever because of the kids which is fine. However, I won't be responsible anymore for always having to clean up his messes and he has the responsibility of his own place and caring for the kids without me always having to step in. This is the best for both of us now. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong.