Maiden Name or Married Name??
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| Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:54pm |
I've only been on this board a few times.....but I have a question that I'm sure has been addressed before. I am close to filing for a dissolution of marriage. My STBX of nearly 15 years left me for another woman, and basically another life. We have been separated for six months, and are working out the details of our settlement. We have a DD-12 and a DS-10. I'm wondering the pros/cons to going back to my maiden name. The pros are obvious; a sense of empowerment, independence, not carrying his name anymore, etc. Are there any negatives, especially because we have two children together?
I have a friend who just got divorced, and she couldn't wait to return to her maiden name, and I am leaning in that direciton as well. I was concerned for my children, and how it might affect them, with our last names not being the same. I haven't talked to them about it. Is it hard for children....confusing?
I guess for me, personally, I only have his name because I married him, and since we won't be married anymore, I might want my maiden name back. Just wondered how others handled it, and what worked best.
Thanks,
Tis

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I have been wondering about that too. I prefer my married name (easier to pronounce!) and it is my "professional name" so changing it formally would mean that everyone would "know" (I teach college) and I don't really think this is everyone's business.
On the other hand, my STBX may want me to change it since he is angry that this divorce is happening at all (looooooooooooong story).
I will be interested to see what people think. Sorry I can't be of any help.
its a hard decision but I do think it would give a woman a feeling of empowerment. To beyourself and not attached to this marriage. however when my kids were young and at home I didnt ask for maiden name back so that there wouldnt be the confusion. but heck if you want to do it and you are willing to change your name on all your documents, social security card etc. I would do it then. I think maybe I am too lazy to make all those changes. also you are young so you may get married again and it will change again anyway.......so you may want to think of that.
I have till tomorrow to decide for sure on mine. gee I dont know!
HMMMM ok now you guys have me wondering. so what if I have to change documents etc. Maybe I would like my maiden name back. That way I wont still feel a Part of him you know?
Maybe it would help me make a NEW life for myself. hmmm
well I will have to decide by tomorrow and will let you all know what I decide.
Edited 1/3/2007 11:13 pm ET by dollyfrocks
I kept my married name... I too have 2 children (who were 5 and 10 when I divorced)... and it's the name I use professionally... so it just made sense to keep it.
I guess, for me, divorcing him was liberating enough without the name changing.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
For now I'm keeping the name. The kids wanted me to, and truthfully I like us having the same name. Maybe someday I'll go back, but for now I'm leaving it alone.
Karen, I love the story of your ex-mil's name history. Just hilarious! It reminds me of a time when I worked for a company that did invitations and announcements. A woman came into our store after just having left a very posh store before us. She was very upset because she was trying to get wedding invites printed for her and her current fiance, and the other store had somehow managed to get her to reveal her previous last names from previous marriages. They were then INSISTING she use her "proper" name on the invites and were refusing to leave off all of the previous last names of former husbands. It came to be something quite similar to what you wrote in your post. I thought it was funny, but of course didn't let on to the woman, and simply ordered the invites with just her maiden name on them. But it has stood out all these years because of the LONG chain of names that would have had to be printed in a font size 2 to fit on that invitation. :-)
If someone has kids at home still they could always if they wanted, use the married name for now then after the kids are grown you can get a legal name change then.
Oh LOL I wouldnt hold anything against someone who has married multiple times. She probably just kept going for the same type of dysfunctional man ......perhaps had that sad state of being attracted to a mysoginist (sp) male LOL
I had my
The only thing that I could think of is routine issues/having to explain yourself when you deal with the schools, doctors, hospitals, airports with having different names. I know it also probably depends on your kids' ages and how sensitive they are to the divorce. My SIL's 4 year old daughter did not understand the whole name change thing and didn't want her mom to have a different last name. She ended up keeping her married name -- I think that she actually uses both names.
Anyway, this is a very personal decision (as is the decision to take the name the first time). Either way should be fine. Follow your gut. Your kids might be old enough to talk to about it as long as you keep all of the negativity associated with the name out.
S
This is an easy one for me. Professionally I kept my maiden name (my parents put a lot of thought into my name! LOL ;-) For anything to do with our kids I used the family name. But I have come to notice that my 4 yr old totally realizes that my last name is different. It doesn't bother her at all. (The children do not yet know that we are splitting up). I am excited to officially be going back to my maiden name even though people always have hard time either spelling it or pronouncing it.
Mind you - if I had been married for 15 yrs and have always used the married name and I liked it, then I would keep it. The nice thing is.... it is totally your choice.
Best of luck to you
Rose
Oh, I love that story, too.
When EX and I started dating... she was married to #2... and unhappy.... I thought her then-husband was whacko.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
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