Maiden Name or Married Name??
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| Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:54pm |
I've only been on this board a few times.....but I have a question that I'm sure has been addressed before. I am close to filing for a dissolution of marriage. My STBX of nearly 15 years left me for another woman, and basically another life. We have been separated for six months, and are working out the details of our settlement. We have a DD-12 and a DS-10. I'm wondering the pros/cons to going back to my maiden name. The pros are obvious; a sense of empowerment, independence, not carrying his name anymore, etc. Are there any negatives, especially because we have two children together?
I have a friend who just got divorced, and she couldn't wait to return to her maiden name, and I am leaning in that direciton as well. I was concerned for my children, and how it might affect them, with our last names not being the same. I haven't talked to them about it. Is it hard for children....confusing?
I guess for me, personally, I only have his name because I married him, and since we won't be married anymore, I might want my maiden name back. Just wondered how others handled it, and what worked best.
Thanks,
Tis

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Personally, I went back to my maiden name. There was A LOT of mental abuse in the relationship. I have been doing everything I can to get rid of any joint property etc. I even burned my wedding dress. Having his last name was just one more painful reminder that I did not want. I haven't regretted it for a minute. There have been a few situations where there was a bit of a mixup, but most of them were quickly ironed out.
Bit of "humor" for you. My ex and I were married 6 years. It took me almost 5 years to get my SS card changed to my married name. After we got divorced, it only took 3 days for me to get it changed back to my maiden name.
they should change the law so that name changes in marriage are by choice only. oh well.......
maybe when the OW hears my full name she can wince knowing I spent almost 30 years with him.
I figure maybe later I can do it through the courts separately.
Thanks to all who replied. There was certainly a variety of responses based on individual situations, geographic locations....lots to consider.
I'm still thinking about it, but am leaning towards changing my name when the divorce is final. If I wait and do it later, the kids will wonder "why now?" Whereas, if it is part of the divorce, it is part of the change and transition that is already taking place in our lives, and will seem more logical to them.
While I would never want to wipe away the 15 years of marriage, and it will take a while to come to terms with separating the good times from the bad, the result was my two beautiful chilren. But the reality is, I don't want that name anymore, because it will always be a painful reminder. He betrayed our marriage, why would I want to keep his name? I think going back to my maiden name will bring me a sense of personal identity, and help me separate from the marriage, and that will be a constant reminder of who I am, when I sign my name from this point on. A woman takes her husbands name when she becomes married to him, as a sign of oneness, wholeness, and togetherness. Once that bond is broken, a new sense of identity must be created, and perhaps a name change can help establish that.
Tis
You are an inspiration to me. I am still throwing my almost daily little fits of rage, hurt and jealousy! We did not have a good marriage. I too deserve to be happy again so I dont know why I am doing this.
but I too will try to Rise Above the Ashes!!
thanks for that powerful thought!
thanks so much for all of you and your kindness and for helping me get through all this.
((hugs))
I was just fine today. he had promised not to change the divorce filing from anything different from a preliminary draft we had agreed upon and went down to sign the Acknowledgement of Service. was fine then I read the papers and he added on there that I was not allowed to draw any Social Security Benefits from his. I dont know if I can or not ..if we are divorced or if he is alive. But I thought I could if we were together for a 10 yr span. and this last marriage of three we were together for 11.
I was so angry again. I said why did you do that? my SS is right now only 200 a month,
I said even if I am not allowed to draw anything if you are alive do you know that if you die before I do I wont be able to get anything for sure now!!! And that could make me more of a burden to the kids.....good grief.
he went over to the SS security office to get some info. I dont know if that statement is even binding in the papers. What a dumb lawyer. His office didnt even give him a copy of the final filed papers. what is he spose to do.........wonder for 20 days if he remembers everything they say. I called them and said he would be down to get his copy The gal got mad at me and hung up on me. good grief..........
I wanted him to take a copy to the SS office and find out what the deal is.
I think the only reason he is doing it now is cause yeah if he dies and I dont have much coming in I could be more of a burden to kids.
there I go again........ranting and ranting.!
oh thanks so much deejayzee! for being there.
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